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Truth Aficionado
Registered Member
Date Joined Dec 2003
Total Posts : 1544
| Posted 4/13/2004 5:43 AM (GMT -6) |   | quote:
Originally posted by Tigress
Oh my GOSH! I can't believe how silly this all is! Only we all could start out talking about my problems and end up in a discussion about Abraham sacrificing Isaac! 
Sorry Tigress,
ok let’s see… use your "imagination" Tigress. Visualize a beautiful chest, it’s naked, it’s flat and it’s full of hair, it’s a man’s chest. Most healthy men don’t want in a lover what they already have in themselves. Most healthy men don’t want their woman to be just like them, they want to be balanced out with other qualities that they don’t possess. Most men don’t want competition coming from their mates. Marriage is a sacrifice, God teaches us to sacrifice and serve others and with out God's help most marriages don’t last. So now we understand why the discussion went to Abraham and his family sacrifice. No, I don’t think so.
God bless you girl, child of God.
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quest for truth
Registered Member
Date Joined Jul 2001
Total Posts : 479
| Posted 4/13/2004 5:55 AM (GMT -6) | | Spen Lake -- I don't understand why you are being so harsh on the words John shared? I don't see how he was committing a sin in what he wrote. Please show me where I am off. Sometimes we need more than our own self to discern, we need the Holy Spirit and scripture. However, when counseling a friend we use the words of wisdom we ourselves have to draw from that agree with God's truth. I don't see how John was sinning in his words to Tigress? Help me to understand what you mean.
Sparknheart -- I know of some marriages where the man is more "feminine" in his characteristics and the woman is more "masculine" It's true opposites attract. I just don't think there are certain qualities that EVERY woman must have to be "normal" You know what I mean? I believe Tigress can rest assured that she is "normal" in being just the person God created her to be. If she desires to become more like Christ then she can pray that God put more love in her heart and allow the Spirit to move.
Tigress -- God bless you in your search to find your identity in Christ. God bless you with your search to find deep friendships. Get your truth from what God says about you. Read what we all post and ask the Holy Spirit to help you discern. | | Back to Top | | |
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Truth Aficionado
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Date Joined Dec 2003
Total Posts : 1544
| Posted 4/13/2004 6:15 AM (GMT -6) | | quote:
Originally posted by quest for truth
Sparknheart -- I know of some marriages where the man is more "feminine" in his characteristics and the woman is more "masculine" It's true opposites attract. I just don't think there are certain qualities that EVERY woman must have to be "normal" You know what I mean? I believe Tigress can rest assured that she is "normal" in being just the person God created her to be. If she desires to become more like Christ then she can pray that God put more love in her heart and allow the Spirit to move.
QFT,
We agree opposites attract, that is why she should be thinking about a man's chest and not women breast other then maybe her own, if she wants to maybe attract a man. I was not trying to say that we all don't share some masculine and feminine traits, we all do to some extent.
Peace | | Back to Top | | |
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quest for truth
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Date Joined Jul 2001
Total Posts : 479
| Posted 4/13/2004 6:48 AM (GMT -6) | | | Thank you Spen Lake and SparknHeart for you clarification. I appreciate it! | | Back to Top | | |
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Tigress
Registered Member
Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 1252
| Posted 4/13/2004 6:51 AM (GMT -6) | | quote:
Originally posted by sparknheart
quote:
Originally posted by Tigress
Oh my GOSH! I can't believe how silly this all is! Only we all could start out talking about my problems and end up in a discussion about Abraham sacrificing Isaac!
Sorry Tigress,
ok let’s see… use your "imagination" Tigress. Visualize a beautiful chest, it’s naked, it’s flat and it’s full of hair, it’s a man’s chest. Most healthy men don’t want in a lover what they already have in themselves. Most healthy men don’t want their woman to be just like them, they want to be balanced out with other qualities that they don’t possess. Most men don’t want competition coming from their mates. Marriage is a sacrifice, God teaches us to sacrifice and serve others and with out God's help most marriages don’t last. So now we understand why the discussion went to Abraham and his family sacrifice. No, I don’t think so.
God bless you girl, child of God.
Are you just joking here or what? Because I clearly stated before that I have a healthy attraction to men, even though I, for some reason, become aroused upon seeing women's breasts in provacative ways, sometimes. I don't see how that can really negatively affect my marriage to a man. Plus, I don't really see how the other stuff I mentioned would be a problem, either. I'm not ambitious about anything, so it's not like he and I would have conflicts about who should work full-time or not. In fact I'd rather only work part-time or not at all once I get married so I could devote most of my time to taking care of my husband and our home. That's another reason why I don't want kids. I want my hubby all to myself and without kids we'd have a lot more time for God and each other. And the housecleaning wouldn't be a problem because if I live somewhere I clean it. (My gripe about housecleaning as a guest at someone else's home was different. Then I was only wondering why I'm not quick to help out like other women usually are.)
I would think that because I don't like chick-flicks, shopping for clothes and gabbing endlessly on the phone that it would be a relief to a husband so that he wouldn't have to put up with that kind of stuff and all the money it costs. Plus, since I wouldn't expect as much from him relationally, he'd be less stressed out, too because like I said in #2 of my first post I'm more laid back about those things like men usually are.
So, I really don't think that there'd be much competition between me and my husband. In fact, I'd go so far as to say that I'd be almost an ideal wife because I can relate to a man's needs better than most women, (although I do have plenty of issues about men's treatment and expectations of women that I wouldn't hesitate to speak up about, either. But those things are only secondary issues that I doubt would be happening in my own marriage much anyway, like polygamy, and if they were I'm sure those things could be resolved with open and honest discussion.)
So, really I hope that no one here thinks that I'm like all "butch" like some lesbians or femi-nazi's tend to be, because I'm not. I'm just a girl who wants a guy, and I'd do all I could to make him happy - with the healthy expectation that he'd try to make me happy, too, of course as is only right.) 
Tigress 
"Name a shrub after me. Preferably one that's prickly and difficult to eradicate."
-Captain Jack Aubrey
"Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World" | | Back to Top | | |
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Truth Aficionado
Registered Member
Date Joined Dec 2003
Total Posts : 1544
| Posted 4/13/2004 7:16 AM (GMT -6) | | quote:
Originally posted by Tigress
Are you just joking here or what? Because I clearly stated before that I have a healthy attraction to men, even though I, for some reason, become aroused upon seeing women's breasts in provacative ways, sometimes. I don't see how that can really negatively affect my marriage to a man. Plus, I don't really see how the other stuff I mentioned would be a problem, either. I'm not ambitious about anything, so it's not like he and I would have conflicts about who should work full-time or not. In fact I'd rather only work part-time or not at all once I get married so I could devote most of my time to taking care of my husband and our home. That's another reason why I don't want kids. I want my hubby all to myself and without kids we'd have a lot more time for God and each other. And the housecleaning wouldn't be a problem because if I live somewhere I clean it. (My gripe about housecleaning as a guest at someone else's home was different. Then I was only wondering why I'm not quick to help out like other women usually are.)
I would think that because I don't like chick-flicks, shopping for clothes and gabbing endlessly on the phone that it would be a relief to a husband so that he wouldn't have to put up with that kind of stuff and all the money it costs. Plus, since I wouldn't expect as much from him relationally, he'd be less stressed out, too because like I said in #2 of my first post I'm more laid back about those things like men usually are.
So, I really don't think that there'd be much competition between me and my husband. In fact, I'd go so far as to say that I'd be almost an ideal wife because I can relate to a man's needs better than most women, (although I do have plenty of issues about men's treatment and expectations of women that I wouldn't hesitate to speak up about, either. But those things are only secondary issues that I doubt would be happening in my own marriage much anyway, like polygamy, and if they were I'm sure those things could be resolved with open and honest discussion.)
So, really I hope that no one here thinks that I'm like all "butch" like some lesbians or femi-nazi's tend to be, because I'm not. I'm just a girl who wants a guy, and I'd do all I could to make him happy - with the healthy expectation that he'd try to make me happy, too, of course as is only right.)
Hello Tigress,
I don't know what all the fuss is about, you sound like a perfectly normal young healthy woman  to me. You should make some man very lucky to be married to you. When you do get married remember, that about 1 out every 2 marriages end in divorce, that statistic changes to 1 over a thousand for those couples that pray together stay together.
God Bless you.
P.S. There was a little joking, just trying to cheer you up.
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Tigress
Registered Member
Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 1252
| Posted 4/13/2004 9:09 AM (GMT -6) | | quote:
Originally posted by John Earp
To whom it may concern:
I (as usual) find spenlake's comments patently ridiculous. My apology to Tigress was definitely conditional upon my having actually offending her needlessly. Apparently I didn't offend her, which I'm glad to know. If I have now offended spenlake, it was necessary and righteous, for he is a worm, utterly devoid of good, born under God's condemnation and wrath. 
Just wanted to say that.
No John, I didn't find anything you said to be offensive. The part about me being too self-centered stung a bit, but you were only trying to say that that's all that I should be concerned about, and not that I'm totally insane or abnormal or anything. Plus, you were just reiterating what I had already said anyway. Everyone else can just chill out because he was only trying to help me and speak the truth in love. Thank you, John, for your help and I thank all the rest of you for your help, too. I think I could feel your prayers last night.
Tigress
"Name a shrub after me. Preferably one that's prickly and difficult to eradicate."
-Captain Jack Aubrey
"Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World" | | Back to Top | | |
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msekee
Registered Member
Date Joined Mar 2004
Total Posts : 30
| Posted 4/13/2004 9:21 AM (GMT -6) | | Tigress-
I bet you won't be too quick to bare your soul for a bunch of "anonymous" acquaintances again. I hope some of what was said was helpful. I just wanted to tell you that I have been frustrated by gender role stereotyping all my life. My husband and I can't stand marriage seminars because they spend half the time discussing the differences between men and women - none of which seem to be true of us. He loves to shop and rearrange our furniture and it's Daddy our girls ask when they want to know how their outfit looks. I love to talk sports (especially baseball) politics and theology. We just don't fit. We both have trouble finding friends, especially in the Christian world because Christian men and women for some reason are more polarized in this area.
I do have a couple of thoughts though if you care to hear more
I think maybe (like me) you don't like being told or expected to do things. I have issues with being manipulated into doing things and it makes me not want to them. I resent being told I'm rude for behaving the same way that my husband is - but because I'm the woman I have to be in the kitchen with my mother-in-law. But after fourteen years of marriage I finally realized it's not about me (okay, I'm a little slow). We're told to love others as God loves us, so if I truly love my mother-in-law, I will treat her in love and not be selfish and resentful. I finally realized that when I feel manipulated it's not necessarily because people are manipulating me - it's just my perception.
Another thought - beware of the man who wants to be a good friend. My sister thought she had a "big brother" relationship with a man who's wife accused him of having an emotional affair - and he admitted it really was that for him. My sister was mortified since she didn't feel that way at all. There are men who can be friends, just not all men who say that's what they want.
Oh - and the whole threatening to commit suicide thing - that's the reason I never finished college. I just wanted someone to listen to me. I hope you're not heading down that road again.
You might want to check out the book "The Search for Significance".
You sound like such a fun and real person. Not many people would admit to having some of the feelings you talked about. I hope you find a really good friend or two who just adore you for who you are.
It is certainly true that Jesus is your friend and loves you for who you are, but sometimes if you don't have anyone in your life that really loves you that way, it's hard to understand that kind of love.
Anyway - I hope we all spend as much time in prayer for you as we have in formulating our "advice". | | Back to Top | | |
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Tigress
Registered Member
Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 1252
| Posted 4/13/2004 9:52 AM (GMT -6) | | quote:
Originally posted by msekee
Tigress-
I bet you won't be too quick to bare your soul for a bunch of "anonymous" acquaintances again. I hope some of what was said was helpful. I just wanted to tell you that I have been frustrated by gender role stereotyping all my life. My husband and I can't stand marriage seminars because they spend half the time discussing the differences between men and women - none of which seem to be true of us. He loves to shop and rearrange our furniture and it's Daddy our girls ask when they want to know how their outfit looks. I love to talk sports (especially baseball) politics and theology. We just don't fit. We both have trouble finding friends, especially in the Christian world because Christian men and women for some reason are more polarized in this area.
I do have a couple of thoughts though if you care to hear more
I think maybe (like me) you don't like being told or expected to do things. I have issues with being manipulated into doing things and it makes me not want to them. I resent being told I'm rude for behaving the same way that my husband is - but because I'm the woman I have to be in the kitchen with my mother-in-law. But after fourteen years of marriage I finally realized it's not about me (okay, I'm a little slow). We're told to love others as God loves us, so if I truly love my mother-in-law, I will treat her in love and not be selfish and resentful. I finally realized that when I feel manipulated it's not necessarily because people are manipulating me - it's just my perception.
Another thought - beware of the man who wants to be a good friend. My sister thought she had a "big brother" relationship with a man who's wife accused him of having an emotional affair - and he admitted it really was that for him. My sister was mortified since she didn't feel that way at all. There are men who can be friends, just not all men who say that's what they want.
Oh - and the whole threatening to commit suicide thing - that's the reason I never finished college. I just wanted someone to listen to me. I hope you're not heading down that road again.
You might want to check out the book "The Search for Significance".
You sound like such a fun and real person. Not many people would admit to having some of the feelings you talked about. I hope you find a really good friend or two who just adore you for who you are.
It is certainly true that Jesus is your friend and loves you for who you are, but sometimes if you don't have anyone in your life that really loves you that way, it's hard to understand that kind of love.
Anyway - I hope we all spend as much time in prayer for you as we have in formulating our "advice".
When I threatened suicide it was like 3 years ago, I think. And I've been on anti-depressant medication for about 4 or 5 years I think. Being infatuated with men has been a problem for me all my life and only in the last few years have I been able to really start countering my thought processes regarding them. I used to fantasize about men so much so, that my emotions would become activated by all that I was imagining in my mind, so even though the relationship wasn't really happening, my emotions were still flowing as if it was. So, when reality hit (when he rejected my advances) I felt almost as if he was breaking up with me, and it was too hard to handle. If I hadn't fantasized so much about him and I together, his rejection would not have felt like a break-up after a long relationship. It would simply have felt like a normal rejection feels when you don't know a person very well and you tell them how you feel about them. Understand what I mean?
It's like how if you imagine in your mind sexual images about someone, your body phyically becomes stimulated even if you and that person aren't actually engaging in a sexual act. A man will get an erection by just envisioning sex with a woman, and a woman will respond in her sex organs by envisioning sex with a man. This is what happened with my emotions (as well as physically). My emotions responded to the thoughts as if the thoughts were real events. So, in my mind, it was as if he and I had already been in a sexual relationship, even though in reality we had not.
The counseling and meds have helped me to stop obsessing and fantasizing like that as much anymore. But, it's still always a temptation, because it's easier than actually having a real relationship because you have complete control over what happens. It's an idealized image of the perfect man and perfect relationship. And it's a sure-fire way to disappointment. Yet, for me it's like a drug addiction. Other people escape the pains of reality through abusing addictive drugs. I escaped reality through my imagination. But, like drugs it was destroying me.
Tigress
"Name a shrub after me. Preferably one that's prickly and difficult to eradicate."
-Captain Jack Aubrey
"Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World" | | Back to Top | | |
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Tigress
Registered Member
Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 1252
| Posted 4/13/2004 10:49 AM (GMT -6) | | | | |
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1Heart
Registered Member
Date Joined Feb 2004
Total Posts : 1128
| Posted 4/13/2004 11:00 AM (GMT -6) | | Hi Tigress,
As far as "manual labour" I would much rather be writing prose/poetry, playing music, walking, having coffee with a friend, discussing theology, reading the discussion board --- BUT there are things I have to do and, like it or not, I'm the one! I do a lot that I don't enjoy , but something that changes how I see what I HAVE to do is that it is worshipping the Lord. Every time I peel a paper off a tin can (well, ok, maybe a bit of an exaggeration), I see it as warfare. I am partnering with Jesus Christ in restoring creation...or at least in foiling the enemy who came to destroy all that God created.
Tigress - you can serve others and still take time out for yourself. I think that is a commonly held myth among women who believe they must sacrifice for everyone else to the exclusion of their own needs or desires.
(Tigress) "2. I don't desire intimacy with friends the way most women do. I just prefer to have a buddy or two to call up and hang out with sometime and do fun stuff even if we haven't spoken for a long time. I know guys like to do that, but if women don't speak to each other for a while they get all like, "Why would I want to spend time with you when you haven't even called me in X amount of months? What kind of friend are you?" But guys do that all the time, and they're great with each other, and I'd be the same way, too if I could find other women who were that laid back."
(Jo-Anne) I tend to agree with this. I spend a good bit of time writing/editing, walking, playing music and not as much time in coffee shops devulging juicy tidbits of information to other women. I would much rather sit and discuss the Father with a friend and not many women desire to do that (at least not theology). Recently a lady from my church asked me this; "What other women do you know that read those kinds of books?" (I was sharing some quotes with her from Satan and The Problem of Evil). She laughs at me and would much rather talk about other things...(you know the kind of things). Sigh.
(Tigress) 3. I can't stand being around kids, and I don't want to have any. I've never desired to have any. If in a situation where all the women are fawning over a baby or child, I'm usually standing in a corner bored out of my skull.
(Jo-Anne) Ditto - BEFORE I had children that is.
(Tigress) 4. I took some personality tests that my brother gave me (I don't remember what they were anymore) and I scored much higher in the areas that are more male-like and lower in the female-like areas. These areas were in regard to attitudes, feelings, beliefs and interests, etc.
(Jo-Anne) (tests according to who? Stay away from those things!)
(Tigress) 5. I hate chick-flicks, shopping for clothes and talking on the phone.
(Jo-Anne) I hate shopping for clothes (except when I need something. I hate talking on the phone...but I confess I love chick flicks. I also love Lord of the Rings and the Matrix. Many women hate "chick flicks"
(Tigress) 6. I'm healthily aroused by men, but also by women's breasts for some reason - particularly and mainly big ones.
(Jo-Anne) You got me here...you might want to talk to someone about this who knows more. I don't think it's unusual for women to take not e of another woman's buxum beauty. But I really have no idea what I'm talking about so should shut up now! Glad you're interested in men though.
(Tigress)"Anyway, I'm just really troubled by how abnormal I seem to be. I've never found a gal that I truly feel comfortable and happy to be friends with, and I feel like I get along better with guys but most Christians tend to think that it's better to have same-sex close friends and not opposite-sex close friends."
(Jo-Anne) I am convinced that there is nothing wrong with having close friends who are Christian brothers - so long as the boundaries you have for that friendship are healthy. I'm married and have a good friend who is a Christian brother who introduced me to Boyd's books. I enjoy discussing theology with him. I also have healthy boundaries for that friendship and we are friends as couples. He is married as well.
(Tigress) "In fact, in my last WHC small group there was a huge conflict about it that they had with me where they had me do a group counseling session with two WHC pastors and a few of those from the group, because they said I was crossing boundaries by trying to be such close friends with a guy in the group. Granted, I did go overboard with him because I had a crush on him and when he rejected me I threatened suicide, (and that was only talk - I wouldn't have actually done it), but even so, they ALL said that women and men simply should not have even intimate friendships with each other, either - meaning that I couldn't say the same personal things to a guy that I could say to a woman."
(Jo-Anne) Aha! Another myth! Unless of course you are wanting to discuss things of a very sensual nature with a man - ALONE ... then, unless the man is highly unusual you are treading on thin ice, or rather playing with fire. It would be naive to think that that kind of intimate sharing would not arouse a man. Any men care to share their thoughts on this subject?
Tigress - you are very brave. You are made in the image of God and are uniquely beautiful. Remember, we are all like snowflakes - no two alike. Just because you are so unique does not mean you are "abnormal" Who is it that said, "Normal is just a setting on your dryer."?
God Bless You Tigress...perhaps you haven't met the right female that you would "click" with. I have friends who are brothers and sisters in Christ. There are some people though that I would never be close to. I treasure things like honesty, theology, creativity. My children are almost grown and I am enjoying pursuits that I couldn't enjoy for years and loving it!
God Bless! (a rebel of another sort) You could ask yourself why it is important for you to have a man as a close friend? I developed a friendship naturally with someone because of my writing and books and theology - but there are women who love those same things. I haven't found them here...but there are...somewhere! You may be one! Eureka! I've found a friend!
Jo-Anne
"Sometimes all we can do is go back to the character of God, and drop anchor there."
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Tigress
Registered Member
Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 1252
| Posted 4/13/2004 11:29 AM (GMT -6) | | quote:
Originally posted by moon_river_j
Hi Tigress,
As far as "manual labour" I would much rather be writing prose/poetry, playing music, walking, having coffee with a friend, discussing theology, reading the discussion board --- BUT there are things I have to do and, like it or not, I'm the one! I do a lot that I don't enjoy , but something that changes how I see what I HAVE to do is that it is worshipping the Lord. Every time I peel a paper off a tin can (well, ok, maybe a bit of an exaggeration), I see it as warfare. I am partnering with Jesus Christ in restoring creation...or at least in foiling the enemy who came to destroy all that God created.
(Sigh)...I know...I just hate work in general...(sigh)...
quote:
Tigress - you can serve others and still take time out for yourself. I think that is a commonly held myth among women who believe they must sacrifice for everyone else to the exclusion of their own needs or desires.
Oh, I know that! I just thought it was odd that I don't have such a servant's heart like most women do. It makes me think that I'm really weird or sociopathic or something.
quote:
(Tigress) "2. I don't desire intimacy with friends the way most women do. I just prefer to have a buddy or two to call up and hang out with sometime and do fun stuff even if we haven't spoken for a long time. I know guys like to do that, but if women don't speak to each other for a while they get all like, "Why would I want to spend time with you when you haven't even called me in X amount of months? What kind of friend are you?" But guys do that all the time, and they're great with each other, and I'd be the same way, too if I could find other women who were that laid back."
(Jo-Anne) I tend to agree with this. I spend a good bit of time writing/editing, walking, playing music and not as much time in coffee shops devulging juicy tidbits of information to other women. I would much rather sit and discuss the Father with a friend and not many women desire to do that (at least not theology). Recently a lady from my church asked me this; "What other women do you know that read those kinds of books?" (I was sharing some quotes with her from Satan and The Problem of Evil). She laughs at me and would much rather talk about other things...(you know the kind of things). Sigh.
I hate to admit it, but no wonder so many Christians think women shouldn't be pastors! Most women simply don't have the passion for theology. But it makes it difficult for the few of us who do.
quote:
(Tigress) 3. I can't stand being around kids, and I don't want to have any. I've never desired to have any. If in a situation where all the women are fawning over a baby or child, I'm usually standing in a corner bored out of my skull.
(Jo-Anne) Ditto - BEFORE I had children that is.
I know that if I had my own kids I'd love them because I don't want them to grow up feeling unloved and neglected like I did, and don't get me wrong. Kids are cute and I fawn over babies sometimes, too. Just not as barfingly as most women do.
quote:
(Tigress) 4. I took some personality tests that my brother gave me (I don't remember what they were anymore) and I scored much higher in the areas that are more male-like and lower in the female-like areas. These areas were in regard to attitudes, feelings, beliefs and interests, etc.
(Jo-Anne) (tests according to who? Stay away from those things!)
They were legitimate psychological tests and those things can be very accurate. My only concern was how my results would affect how others would view me. I'm happy with the way I am - it makes me unique. I'm just unhappy because it seems like other people won't accept me as I am, so I'm lonely.
quote:
(Tigress) 5. I hate chick-flicks, shopping for clothes and talking on the phone.
(Jo-Anne) I hate shopping for clothes (except when I need something. I hate talking on the phone...but I confess I love chick flicks. I also love Lord of the Rings and the Matrix. Many women hate "chick flicks"
I'd probably like shopping for clothes more if I could just fit things properly! I'm always so self-concious about how I'll look in a new outfit.
I loooooooove Star Trek and other sci-fi movies. I like The Matrix trilogy but I didn't care for all the violence in them. And I loooooooved The Lord of the Rings trilogy, too. (And I must confess Orlando Bloom had a lot to do with it!) 
quote:
(Tigress) 6. I'm healthily aroused by men, but also by women's breasts for some reason - particularly and mainly big ones.
(Jo-Anne) You got me here...you might want to talk to someone about this who knows more. I don't think it's unusual for women to take note of another woman's buxum beauty. But I really have no idea what I'm talking about so should shut up now! Glad you're interested in men though.
I still think it's because my mom didn't breast-feed me, but who knows?
quote:
(Tigress)"Anyway, I'm just really troubled by how abnormal I seem to be. I've never found a gal that I truly feel comfortable and happy to be friends with, and I feel like I get along better with guys but most Christians tend to think that it's better to have same-sex close friends and not opposite-sex close friends."
(Jo-Anne) I am convinced that there is nothing wrong with having close friends who are Christian brothers - so long as the boundaries you have for that friendship are healthy. I'm married and have a good friend who is a Christian brother who introduced me to Boyd's books. I enjoy discussing theology with him. I also have healthy boundaries for that friendship and we are friends as couples. He is married as well.
(Tigress) "In fact, in my last WHC small group there was a huge conflict about it that they had with me where they had me do a group counseling session with two WHC pastors and a few of those from the group, because they said I was crossing boundaries by trying to be such close friends with a guy in the group. Granted, I did go overboard with him because I had a crush on him and when he rejected me I threatened suicide, (and that was only talk - I wouldn't have actually done it), but even so, they ALL said that women and men simply should not have even intimate friendships with each other, either - meaning that I couldn't say the same personal things to a guy that I could say to a woman."
Well, I guess I tend to want all or nothing in my relationships, so some of the stuff I'd like to be able to talk about with guys might not be appropriate. I just wish they weren't.
quote:
(Jo-Anne) Aha! Another myth! Unless of course you are wanting to discuss things of a very sensual nature with a man - ALONE ... then, unless the man is highly unusual you are treading on thin ice, or rather playing with fire. It would be naive to think that that kind of intimate sharing would not arouse a man. Any men care to share their thoughts on this subject?
Ah, men are such weak creatures!
quote:
Tigress - you are very brave. You are made in the image of God and are uniquely beautiful. Remember, we are all like snowflakes - no two alike. Just because you are so unique does not mean you are "abnormal" Who is it that said, "Normal is just a setting on your dryer."?
God Bless You Tigress...perhaps you haven't met the right female that you would "click" with. I have friends who are brothers and sisters in Christ. There are some people though that I would never be close to. I treasure things like honesty, theology, creativity. My children are almost grown and I am enjoying pursuits that I couldn't enjoy for years and loving it!
God Bless! (a rebel of another sort) You could ask yourself why it is important for you to have a man as a close friend? I developed a friendship naturally with someone because of my writing and books and theology - but there are women who love those same things. I haven't found them here...but there are...somewhere! You may be one! Eureka! I've found a friend!
Jo-Anne
Thanks, Jo-Anne. I'm 30. How old are you? I fear that too much of an age difference, as well as your being married would be too large of a difference for me. But then again, maybe you could be my mentor. Would you consider doing that for me? I've been thinking for a long time that I need one. Please let me know. Thanks.
Tigress
"Name a shrub after me. Preferably one that's prickly and difficult to eradicate."
-Captain Jack Aubrey
"Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World" | | Back to Top | | |
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Truth Aficionado
Registered Member
Date Joined Dec 2003
Total Posts : 1544
| Posted 4/13/2004 11:34 AM (GMT -6) | | quote:
Originally posted by John Earp
(Jo-Anne) Aha! Another myth! Unless of course you are wanting to discuss things of a very sensual nature with a man - ALONE ... then, unless the man is highly unusual you are treading on thin ice, or rather playing with fire. It would be naive to think that that kind of intimate sharing would not arouse a man. Any men care to share their thoughts on this subject?
John responds: I don't think it necessarily takes a sensual subject to arouse a man. Just about any amount of attention (or even no attention at all, if the woman is attractive) can be enough to arouse a man. Do I hear an amen, guys?
Testosterone is a very overwhelming hormone, one which few women have even an inkling about.
AMEN MR Earp
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Tigress
Registered Member
Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 1252
| Posted 4/13/2004 11:35 AM (GMT -6) | | | | |
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1Heart
Registered Member
Date Joined Feb 2004
Total Posts : 1128
| Posted 4/13/2004 12:48 PM (GMT -6) | |
(Tigress) "I'm already on medication and the last counselor I saw did as much as she could do for me. I won't ever threaten suicide again. That was just an act of desperation. But, right now the issue is just how am I ever going to find a close friend if no one satisfies. I'd prefer the type of friendships that men have with each other, but women won't do that, and apparently it's not appropriate for a woman to have that same kind of friendship with a man. So, I'm stuck. I can't win. I'm doomed to be without close friends forever. I mean I can't even name one female friend that I have that could be a bridesmaid in my wedding (if I were to get married, which I hope to someday.) I'm not going to be something I'm not, which is like the typical female. But, that leaves me alone, without any close friends. It's not fair."
(Jo-Anne) Tigress, as I read on I hear more of your heart and I am refreshed by your honesty. It is rare. You're perhaps forgetting one thing here. He is the "God of the possible." Pour yourself into Him and He will be more intimately real than any relationship with any man.
Tigress, were you aware that most people have suicidal thoughts at some point in their life?
You don't have to be "typical." Usually when people say typical they mean stereotypical. IMHO
You're very young. You're not "doomed" to not have friends. I'm very impressed by the compassion shown in response to your original post.
This is where I see that true Christian community really is possible - not just some fairytale.
Jo-Anne
"Sometimes all we can do is go back to the character of God, and drop anchor there."
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