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| Open Theism Discussion Board > Public Forums > General Chat > Take a Break and Giggle | Forum Quick Jump
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Tigress
Registered Member
Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 1252
| Posted 7/17/2003 6:35 AM (GMT -6) |   | SIPPING VODKA
A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done.
The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip."
So next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm.
Upon his return to his office after mass, he found the following note on the door:
1. Sip the Vodka, don't gulp.
2. There are 10 commandments, not 12.
3. There are 12 disciples, not 10.
4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J. C.
7. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the Spook.
8. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the shit out of him.
9. When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey don't say he was stoned off his ass.
10. We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T."
11. When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said, "Take this and eat it. For it is my body." He did not say, "Eat me."
12. The Virgin Mary is not called "Mary with the Cherry."
13. The recommended grace before a meal is not: "Rub-a-dub-dub thanks for the grub. Yay God."
14. Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter's, not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.
Tigress
The Angel of the Lord encamps around those who fear Him, and He delivers them.
-Psalm 34:7 | | Back to Top | | |
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Blood Washed Heretic
Registered Member
Date Joined Jul 2003
Total Posts : 167
| Posted 7/17/2003 10:47 AM (GMT -6) | | So a pirate walks into a bar, and he has a steering wheel coming out of his fly.
The barkeep asks, "Did you know there's a steering wheel coming out of your fly?"
The pirate replies, "Aye, it's drivin' me NUTS!!!"
_________________________________
THE PIRATE ALPHABET
A R R D E I R H I R R I L M R R P I R S R I V I I X I R
Arrr... | | Back to Top | | |
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Eli
Registered Member
Date Joined May 2003
Total Posts : 44
| Posted 7/17/2003 11:26 AM (GMT -6) | | quote:
DLW takes the fork, starts poking himself all over his chest and stomach and yells, "This is for your canoe!"
ROFL. Oh man, that's hillarious. Like sitting alone in an empty room laughing hysterically hillarious ;).
"...it is fools, they say, who learn by experience. But since they do at least learn, let a fool bring his experience into the common stock that wiser men may profit by it." -C.S. Lewis
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Tigress
Registered Member
Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 1252
| Posted 7/18/2003 8:50 AM (GMT -6) | | BRAIN CRAMPS
************
Question: "If you could live forever, would you and why?"
Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever."
--Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest.
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"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff."
--Mariah Carey
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"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life."
--Brooke Shields, during an interview to become Spokesperson for a federal anti-smoking campaign.
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"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body."
--Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward.
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"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country."
--Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, D.C.
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"I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president."
--Hillary Clinton commenting on the release of subpoenaed documents.
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"That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it."
--A congressional candidate in Texas.
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"I don't feel we did wrong in taking this great country away from them. There were great numbers of people who needed new land, and the Indians were selfishly trying to keep it for themselves."
--John Wayne
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"Half this game is ninety percent mental."
--Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark
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"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it."
--Al Gore, Vice President
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"I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix."
--Dan Quayle
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"It's no exaggeration to say that the undecideds could go one way or another."
--George Bush, U.S. President
**********************************************************************"We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?"
--Lee Iacocca
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"I was provided with additional input that was radically different from the truth. I assisted in furthering that version."
--Colonel Oliver North, from his Iran-Contra testimony.
**********************************************************************"The word 'genius' isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."
--Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback & sports analyst.
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"We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people."
--Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor.
**********************************************************************"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure."
--Bill Clinton, President
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"We are ready for an unforeseen event that may or may not occur."
--Al Gore, V.P.
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"Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas."
--Keppel Enderbery
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"Your food stamps will be stopped effective March, 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances."
--Department of Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina
**********************************************************************"If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a record."
--Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman
Tigress
The Angel of the Lord encamps around those who fear Him, and He delivers them.
-Psalm 34:7 | | Back to Top | | |
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might-be-don
Registered Member
Date Joined Jun 2001
Total Posts : 830
| Posted 7/19/2003 5:01 AM (GMT -6) | | quote:
"We are ready for an unforeseen event that may or may not occur."
--Al Gore, V.P.
Sounds like you OV'ers have some serious damage control to do with Gore on your side.
peace, don
---
"You cannot step twice into the same river; for fresh waters are ever flowing in upon you." Heraclitus | | Back to Top | | |
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Truth Aficionado
Registered Member
Date Joined Dec 2003
Total Posts : 1544
| Posted 12/22/2004 6:30 AM (GMT -6) | | An Irishman, a Mexican and a blonde guy were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building. They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, "Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch, I'm going to jump off this building."
The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed, "Burritos again! If I
get burritos one more time I'm going to jump off, too."
The blonde guy opened his lunch and said, "Bologna again! If I get a bologna sandwich one more time, I'm jumping too."
The next day, the Irishman opened his lunch box, saw corned beef and cabbage, and jumped to his death.
The Mexican opened his lunch, saw a burrito, and jumped too.
The blonde guy opened his lunch, saw the bologna sandwich and jumped to his death as well.
At the funeral, the Irishman's wife was weeping. She said, "If I'd known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage, I never would have given it to him again!"
The Mexican's wife also wept and said, "I could have given him tacos or enchiladas! I didn't realize he hated burritos so much."
Everyone turned and stared at the blonde guy's wife. The blonde's wife said, "Don't look at me. He makes his own lunch."
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BBBCanada
Registered Member
Date Joined Jun 2001
Total Posts : 2763
| Posted 6/17/2008 11:19 AM (GMT -6) | |
Brandon
It is the purpose that makes strong the vow, but vows to every purpose must not hold.--A friend.
To love without love is slavery--Mother Teresa
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BBBCanada
Registered Member
Date Joined Jun 2001
Total Posts : 2763
| Posted 9/5/2008 11:30 PM (GMT -6) | | | | |
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BBBCanada
Registered Member
Date Joined Jun 2001
Total Posts : 2763
| Posted 9/21/2008 9:38 AM (GMT -6) | | | You actually have to watch this a few times to really feel it. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7-NOZU2iPA8
If you want to know the low down of the phenomenon known as "Sonseed" you'll want to check out:
A couple of members have passed away, one as recently as Sept 29th and Sal Polichetti, the lead singer was married to the organist (whom he's divorced from).
Brandon
It is the purpose that makes strong the vow, but vows to every purpose must not hold.--A friend.
To love without love is slavery--Mother Teresa
Post Edited (BBBCanada) : 10/13/2008 6:24:15 PM (GMT-5) | | Back to Top | | |
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BBBCanada
Registered Member
Date Joined Jun 2001
Total Posts : 2763
| Posted 10/2/2008 9:28 AM (GMT -6) | |
So I go to the Walt Whitman youtube video that D posted on the Sarah Palin thread. Curiosity led me to this video.
Brandon
It is the purpose that makes strong the vow, but vows to every purpose must not hold.--A friend.
To love without love is slavery--Mother Teresa
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BBBCanada
Registered Member
Date Joined Jun 2001
Total Posts : 2763
| Posted 2/24/2009 12:48 PM (GMT -6) | |
Brandon
It is the purpose that makes strong the vow, but vows to every purpose must not hold.--A friend.
To love without love is slavery--Mother Teresa
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BBBCanada
Registered Member
Date Joined Jun 2001
Total Posts : 2763
| Posted 5/14/2010 10:53 PM (GMT -6) | | vimeo.com/11501569
Brandon
It is the purpose that makes strong the vow, but vows to every purpose must not hold.--A friend.
To love without love is slavery--Mother Teresa
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BBBCanada
Registered Member
Date Joined Jun 2001
Total Posts : 2763
| Posted 5/17/2010 9:31 PM (GMT -6) | | Swagger Wagon
Brandon
It is the purpose that makes strong the vow, but vows to every purpose must not hold.--A friend.
To love without love is slavery--Mother Teresa
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BBBCanada
Registered Member
Date Joined Jun 2001
Total Posts : 2763
| Posted 5/17/2010 9:51 PM (GMT -6) | | I've already watched this about 3-4 times and you pick things up each time. Very captivating and all around great tune. Glad you liked it.
Brandon
It is the purpose that makes strong the vow, but vows to every purpose must not hold.--A friend.
To love without love is slavery--Mother Teresa
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One Love
Registered Member
Date Joined Jan 2003
Total Posts : 13888
| Posted 5/17/2010 9:59 PM (GMT -6) | | Uh, YEAH, I liked it. 
On the strength, if you took this to the club, I bet it would bang. DEFINITELY the beat and the arrangement! Hell, I want this instrumental MYSELF! 
Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner. | | Back to Top | | |
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BBBCanada
Registered Member
Date Joined Jun 2001
Total Posts : 2763
| Posted 5/17/2010 10:03 PM (GMT -6) | | Imagine that VIDEO in the club! LOL! The father kinda reminds me of Tom Cruise at the end of, "Tropic Thunder" dancing to Ludacris.
Brandon
It is the purpose that makes strong the vow, but vows to every purpose must not hold.--A friend.
To love without love is slavery--Mother Teresa
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One Love
Registered Member
Date Joined Jan 2003
Total Posts : 13888
| Posted 5/17/2010 10:12 PM (GMT -6) | | Oh, yessirrrr. For sure. The video would be CRAZY. Whoever did that, did their hip-hop research.
All Hail to the ORIGINALS.
Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner. | | Back to Top | | |
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BBBCanada
Registered Member
Date Joined Jun 2001
Total Posts : 2763
| Posted 5/17/2010 10:25 PM (GMT -6) | | Interestingly, when you the info on this youtube video the guys says this: INSTANT Classic.
You dont know HipHop if you dont know this.
Check out my personal beats.
They have the old school, indie, j dilla, madlib, pete rock, 9th wonder flow.
Dig, Sample, Chop, Beat!
Enjoy and Peace!!
When I went out to California last year I sat with his mother "Ma" Maureen Yancey on the plane. Have a pic of her on my facebook that I took. Sweetest woman in the world.
Brandon
It is the purpose that makes strong the vow, but vows to every purpose must not hold.--A friend.
To love without love is slavery--Mother Teresa
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One Love
Registered Member
Date Joined Jan 2003
Total Posts : 13888
| Posted 5/17/2010 10:46 PM (GMT -6) | | Thanks for the link, Brandon. Awesome stuff!
You get 300 cool points to understanding JDilla (RIP). Yeah, he blew Common up big time (See "Like Water for Chocolate") Dilla on the beat.
In early 2004, Common made an appearance on fellow Chicagoan Kanye West's multi-platinum debut album, The College Dropout (on the song "Get Em High"), and announced his signing to West's then-newfound label GOOD Music. West had been a longtime fan of Common and the two even participated in a friendly on-air MC battle, where West took jabs at his lyrical idol for "going soft" and wearing crochet pants (as he does for his appearance in the video for the Mary J. Blige song "Dance for Me"). The pair worked together on Common's next album, Be, almost entirely produced by Kanye West, with some help from Common's longtime collaborator the late James Yancey (J Dilla) – also a favorite of West.
Sweet, bro. We together on Christ AND Hip-hop. Yessirrrr....  And that's tight as all get out that you actually met homie's mother. Dang!!! 
Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner. Post Edited (One Love) : 5/17/2010 10:51:50 PM (GMT-5) | | Back to Top | | |
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BBBCanada
Registered Member
Date Joined Jun 2001
Total Posts : 2763
| Posted 5/18/2010 12:55 PM (GMT -6) | | 
Go ahead Piccard. Negotiate away.
Brandon
It is the purpose that makes strong the vow, but vows to every purpose must not hold.--A friend.
To love without love is slavery--Mother Teresa
Image Attachment :
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BBBCanada
Registered Member
Date Joined Jun 2001
Total Posts : 2763
| Posted 8/6/2010 1:31 PM (GMT -6) | | COTM-Dad Life Yo. Check it y'all. Ha, Haaaa!
Brandon
It is the purpose that makes strong the vow, but vows to every purpose must not hold.--A friend.
To love without love is slavery--Mother Teresa
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BBBCanada
Registered Member
Date Joined Jun 2001
Total Posts : 2763
| Posted 2/3/2011 11:25 AM (GMT -6) | | | | |
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BBBCanada
Registered Member
Date Joined Jun 2001
Total Posts : 2763
| Posted 4/26/2011 1:28 PM (GMT -6) | | | | |
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