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mattykob
Registered Member
Date Joined Jan 2003
Total Posts : 7
| Posted 2/24/2003 3:50 PM (GMT -6) |   | I have a problem I’d like some advice on. I’ve been a Christian for most of my 24 years. Going through adolescence and early adulthood, I’ve been told to seek out a Christian partner - that being unequally yoked is a bad thing. I dated a very devout, godly woman for a long while. We got along very well, and it was nice that we had our faith in common. However, that was most of what we had in common and the relationship came to an end.
For the past several months, I’ve dated a sweet girl who’s not a Christian. But, most all the things I didn’t have in common with the Christian girl, I do with this girl. If “chemistry” is the word most plausibly used, I’ll say we have much more of that than I did with the Christian girl.
What I’m not sure about, and what I’d like thoughts on, is how much I should take into consideration the spiritual status of a potential partner. If two people get along really well, but one’s a Christian and the other’s not, should the relationship end? After discussing this with her tonight, she got the feeling that that would be “throwing the baby out with the bath water.” I believe that the equally-yoked concept is important and worth adhering to, but her reasoning perplexed me and I couldn’t rationally counter it. Please help me.
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a_theist
"Thy will be done."
Date Joined Dec 2002
Total Posts : 286
| Posted 2/24/2003 3:52 PM (GMT -6) | | All I can tell you is that you should seek God's face and try to win her to the Lord. Maybe God has her in mind for your life partner? Hope things work out.
Blessings,
Paul
"The 'sovereignty' of God is not, I suggest, a very biblical idea, especially if one has a low opinion of the respect of sovereigns for the freedom of their subjects."
~Charles Hartshorne | | Back to Top | | |
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Tigress
Registered Member
Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 1252
| Posted 2/25/2003 11:23 AM (GMT -6) | | Mattykob,
I know it's hard to wait for God's timing but it's truly the best way. Just because you had one relationship with a Christian that didn't work out, doesn't mean that another one with a Christian won't work out either. When a Christian takes a spouse he or she is taking a huge part of their life away from God. Jesus is and should be the center of a Christian's life and the most important person in the Christian's life. Everything we do should reflect what He wants in our lives. If a Christian marries a non-Christian, the non-Christian is not going to want to do what God wants which will cause conflict in the marriage. You have to either choose to do what God wants despite your spouse's disagreeing with it and make that person angry or you have to choose to do what your spouse wants and sin against God by doing what He doesn't want. Doing what God doesn't want is always the greater sin. Do you want to cause that much pain not only to your non-Christian spouse but also to God?
Tigress
The Angel of the Lord encamps around those who fear Him, and He delivers them.
-Psalm 34:7 | | Back to Top | | |
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might-be-don
Registered Member
Date Joined Jun 2001
Total Posts : 830
| Posted 2/26/2003 1:58 AM (GMT -6) | | I can't even imagine what life would be like if my spouse and I didn't share our love of the Lord.
peace and love, don
---
"No Rules, just Right" Outback Steakhouse | | Back to Top | | |
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markus
Registered Member
Date Joined Jun 2002
Total Posts : 100
| Posted 2/26/2003 8:21 AM (GMT -6) | | Dear Mattykob
I am very nervous about addressing your posting, because it takes so much courage and wisdom to disuss these issues even with someone one knows and can talk to face to face, but on a website it is even further from reality - so please don't take my words seriously if in any way they feel wrong.
Mu first impression was that the very fact that you are asking indicates that all is not, at least yet, in place for a lifetime relationship. I can only speak for myself, but I believe that when it is right you WILL know without any reservation - because it is what God wants for you. I am certainly not saying that you should end this relationship, as you both seem to be getting a lot out of it, and that is great - but maybe it is not yet time for decision-making that might lead later on to even greater predicament.
God does not rush, and I guess we should not either. I would suggest you spend more time talking about faith together, encourage her to accompany you to church (if you attend), invite her to pray with you together for each other, pray as much as possible, ask God - maybe there is a road you have to walk together first for a while before you reach a crossroads where you finally decide do you go east and west, or carry on together towards the sunset 
Now I think I should be quiet, and I again urge you to forget all of this if it in any way disturbs or offends you.
My prayers for you both
Markus
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Tigress
Registered Member
Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 1252
| Posted 2/26/2003 10:25 AM (GMT -6) | | Markus,
Time and again, people are always rationalizing the continuation of an unequally yoked relationship by claiming to do the so-called "missionary dating" technique. This is highly dangerous as both parties continue to get emotionally invested while at the same time both are not at the right place with The Lord. Please, take it from me, a child of unequally yoked parents, that a lot of pain and hurt occurs within a marriage and for the children when the parents are unequally yoked. It's not fair to anyone to be in this kind of situation.
Tigress
The Angel of the Lord encamps around those who fear Him, and He delivers them.
-Psalm 34:7 | | Back to Top | | |
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fyodor
Registered Member
Date Joined Dec 2002
Total Posts : 179
| Posted 2/26/2003 7:29 PM (GMT -6) | | people seems to want to talk about God's tiiming on this thread as if we know what God's timing is???God does what God does, when God does what God does.
My own theory (rather than advice) is nothing can separate you from God, a Christian's life cannot be separated from what they believe. As a Christian, my most intimate relationship is the one that I have with God, without my wife being able to share that with me, I could not give myself fully to the relationship with her. How could you choose me without choosing Jesus? As don noted, "I can't even imagine what life would be like if my spouse and I didn't share our love of the Lord." What this means pragmatically for your relationship, I couldn't tell ya'.
†††"To have a self, to be a self, is the greatest concession, an infinite concession, given to man, but it is also eternity's claim upon him." – S. Kierkegaard
Edited by - fyodor on 02/27/2003 12:31:36 AM | | Back to Top | | |
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S.B.G.
Registered Member
Date Joined Jan 2003
Total Posts : 143
| Posted 2/27/2003 4:21 AM (GMT -6) | | Mattykob,
You've gotten some excellent advice. If you will allow me, I'd like to tell you a little bit of my story:
When I was 16, I met and started dating a 20 yr. old guy, who professed to be a Christian. He had strong morals, and adhered to the rules of his church. Before I met him I was a deeply spiritual person, I loved Jesus although I did not grow up in a Christian home.
Over time however, this guy's legalistic approach to God eventually sucked all the joy out of me. I thought that because there was no "chemistry" between us, that this was real, adult, love-- not just infatuation which would be accompanied by strong feelings and sexual attraction. I couldn't have been more wrong! As the years went on, I struggled again and again to try to produce the feelings of love that I always dreamt I would feel for my husband--they never came. I ended up doing a lot of faking in hopes that my words and actions would make it so. After 10 years, I finally told him that I couldn't pretend anymore. I confessed that I loved him, but I was not "in love" with him. We saw several marraige counselors who were sure I had simply forgotten the feelings we once shared and insisted I had to stay in this marraige because God hates divorce. They also told me there was no such thing as chemistry, and my romantisizing was immature. (There's more to this of course, this guy had a bad temper, an addiction to pornography and was manipulative and controlling) At one point, on the advice of a counselor, he said "Submit to me, which means you do whatever I ask without question, or leave" I made up my mind that Jesus was my Bride Groom, and started to be the Christian I wanted to be, not who this man said I was supposed to be...predictably, this didn't go over too well. To make an incredibly long and painful story short, I finally got the courage to divorce after 12 years of marraige.
Now, I am joyously remarried. I am in love with a truly spiritual Christian man. Our spiritual,intellectual, and sexual chemistry, grows more powerfully every day. Some of our best moments are doing Bible study together, reading various books together, praying together, worshipping together, and just sharing our insights and ideas. And our shared faith--real faith, not religion--gives us strength to pull through when things get tough. Things would be very different if I had to do all the praying and trusting God alone.
If you are in love with the Lord, a time will come when your need for Him cannot be delegated to casual conversation or complacency to keep peace with your mate. Your walk will be stronger, your marraige will be stronger if your love stems from a shared faith. Trust me, you can't know what I've been through.
If you can introduce this girl to Jesus, and have BOTH faith and passion--go for it! If not, my advice is to hold out..don't settle for less than what God meant marraige to be.
S.B.G.
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