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PotOnWheel
Registered Member
Date Joined Jul 2001
Total Posts : 9890
| Posted 8/4/2003 4:20 AM (GMT -6) |   | Subj: Why men are just happier people. . .
>Your last name stays put.
>The garage is all yours.
>Wedding plans take care of themselves.
>Chocolate is just another snack.
>You can be president.
>You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
>Car mechanics tell you the truth.
>The world is your urinal.
>You never have to drive to another gas station because this one's just
too
>icky.
>Same work, more pay.
>Wrinkles add character.
>Wedding dress - $5000; tux rental - $100.
>People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
>The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
>New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
>One mood, ALL the time.
>Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
>You know stuff about tanks.
>A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
You can open all your own jars.
>You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
>If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be
your
>friend.
>Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
>Everything on your face stays its original color.
>Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
>You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
>You almost never have strap problems in public.
>You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
>The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
>You don't have to shave below your neck.
>Your belly usually hides your big hips.
>One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.
>You can "do" your nails with a pocketknife.
>You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
>You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives, on December 24, in 45
>minutes.
> | | Back to Top | | |
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PotOnWheel
Registered Member
Date Joined Jul 2001
Total Posts : 9890
| Posted 8/4/2003 4:24 AM (GMT -6) | | Subj: A message from the rural Midwest
Because of misunderstandings that frequently develop when Easterners and Californians cross states such as Illinois, Ohio, Indiana, Wisconsin, Nebraska, Kansas, Iowa, Missouri, Minnesota, North Dakota, and South Dakota; those states' Tourism Councils have adopted a set of information guidelines.
>In an effort to help outsiders understand the Midwest, the following
list will be handed to each driver entering the state:
>
>1. That farm boy standing next to the feed bin did more work before
>breakfast than you do all week at the gym.
>
>2. It's called a 'gravel road.' No matter how slow you drive, you're
going to get dust on your Navigator. I have a four wheel drive because I need it. Drive it or get it out of the way.
>
>3. We all started hunting and fishing when we were seven years old.
Yeah, we saw Bambi. We got over it.
>
>4. Any references to "corn fed" when talking about our women will get
you whipped... by our women.
>
>5. Go ahead and bring your $600 Orvis Fly Rod. Don't cry to us if a flathead catfish breaks it off at the handle. We have a name for those little trout you fish for...bait.
>
>6. Pull your pants up and turn your hat around. You look like an idiot.
>
>7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of mallards are making their final approach, we will shoot it. You might hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.
>
>8. That's right. Whiskey is only two bucks. We can buy a fifth for what you paid in the airport for one drink.
>
>9. No, there's no "Vegetarian Special" on the menu. Order steak. Order it rare. Or, you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the two pounds of ham and turkey.
>
>10. You bring Coke into my house, it better be brown, wet, and served
over ice.
>
>11. So you have a sixty-thousand dollar car you drive on weekends.
We're real impressed. We have quarter of a million dollar combines that we use two weeks a year.
>
>12. Let's get this straight. We have one stoplight in town. We stop
when it's red. We may even stop when it's yellow.
>
>13. Our women hunt, fish, and drive trucks--because they want to. So, you're a feminist. Isn't that cute.
>
>14. Yeah, we eat catfish. Carp, too--and turtle. You really want sushi and caviar? It's available at the bait shop.
>
>15. They are pigs. That's what they smell like. Get over it. Don't like it? Interstates 70, 80, & 90 go two ways - Interstates 29 &35 go the other two. Pick one and use it accordingly.
>
>16. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious holiday. You can get breakfast at the church.
>
>17. So every person in every pickup waves. It's called being friendly. Understand the concept?
>
>18. Yeah, we have golf courses. Don't hit in the water hazard. It
spooks the fish.
>
>19. That Highway Patrol Officer that just pulled you over for driving like an idiot...his name is "Sir"...no matter how old he is. Now, enjoy your visit.
>
>
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PotOnWheel
Registered Member
Date Joined Jul 2001
Total Posts : 9890
| Posted 8/4/2003 4:26 AM (GMT -6) | | Subj: It's in the Bible
A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning.
The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee".
The husband said, "You are in charge of the cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee."
Wife replies, "No you should do it, and besides it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee."
Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me."
So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and shows him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says .......
"HEBREWS" | | Back to Top | | |
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Tigress
Registered Member
Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 1252
| Posted 8/4/2003 5:38 AM (GMT -6) | | quote:
Originally posted by PotOnWheel
Subj: Why men are just happier people. . .
>Your last name stays put.
>The garage is all yours.
>Wedding plans take care of themselves.
>Chocolate is just another snack.
>You can be president.
>You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
>Car mechanics tell you the truth.
>The world is your urinal.
>You never have to drive to another gas station because this one's just
too
>icky.
>Same work, more pay.
>Wrinkles add character.
>Wedding dress - $5000; tux rental - $100.
>People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
>The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
>New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
>One mood, ALL the time.
>Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
>You know stuff about tanks.
>A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
You can open all your own jars.
>You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
>If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be
your
>friend.
>Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
>Everything on your face stays its original color.
>Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
>You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
>You almost never have strap problems in public.
>You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
>The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
>You don't have to shave below your neck.
>Your belly usually hides your big hips.
>One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.
>You can "do" your nails with a pocketknife.
>You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
>You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives, on December 24, in 45
>minutes.
>
Okay, now this just ticks me off! 
Tigress 
"Name a shrub after me. Preferably one that's prickly and difficult to eradicate."
-Captain Jack Aubrey
"Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World" | | Back to Top | | |
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Tigress
Registered Member
Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 1252
| Posted 8/4/2003 10:04 AM (GMT -6) | | quote:
Originally posted by Tigress
quote:
Originally posted by PotOnWheel
Subj: Why men are just happier people. . .
>Your last name stays put.
>The garage is all yours.
>Wedding plans take care of themselves.
>Chocolate is just another snack.
>You can be president.
>You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
>Car mechanics tell you the truth.
>The world is your urinal.
>You never have to drive to another gas station because this one's just
too
>icky.
>Same work, more pay.
>Wrinkles add character.
>Wedding dress - $5000; tux rental - $100.
>People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
>The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
>New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
>One mood, ALL the time.
>Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
>You know stuff about tanks.
>A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
You can open all your own jars.
>You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
>If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be
your
>friend.
>Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
>Everything on your face stays its original color.
>Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
>You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
>You almost never have strap problems in public.
>You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
>The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
>You don't have to shave below your neck.
>Your belly usually hides your big hips.
>One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.
>You can "do" your nails with a pocketknife.
>You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
>You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives, on December 24, in 45
>minutes.
>
Okay, now this just ticks me off!
I hope you realize I'm just kidding  .....sort of.
Tigress
"Name a shrub after me. Preferably one that's prickly and difficult to eradicate."
-Captain Jack Aubrey
"Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World" | | Back to Top | | |
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PotOnWheel
Registered Member
Date Joined Jul 2001
Total Posts : 9890
| Posted 8/4/2003 10:40 AM (GMT -6) | | I just hope that Tigress and DLW send me one of their invitations. (This is embarasing!) [:0]   
No, really:
- You can "do" your nails with a pocketknife.
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Tigress
Registered Member
Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 1252
| Posted 8/5/2003 7:15 AM (GMT -6) | | | | |
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Tigress
Registered Member
Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 1252
| Posted 8/5/2003 7:34 AM (GMT -6) | | | | |
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Tigress
Registered Member
Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 1252
| Posted 8/5/2003 11:18 AM (GMT -6) | | | | |
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PotOnWheel
Registered Member
Date Joined Jul 2001
Total Posts : 9890
| Posted 8/5/2003 11:46 AM (GMT -6) | | | | |
|
Tigress
Registered Member
Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 1252
| Posted 8/5/2003 11:50 AM (GMT -6) | | | | |
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PotOnWheel
Registered Member
Date Joined Jul 2001
Total Posts : 9890
| Posted 8/5/2003 11:50 AM (GMT -6) | | A mechanic who worked out his home had a dog named Mace.
Mace had a bad habit of eating all the grass in the mechanic's
lawn, so the mechanic had to keep Mace inside. The grass eventually
became overgrown. One day the mechanic was working on a car in his
backyard and dropped his wrench, losing it in the tall grass. He
couldn't find it for
the life of him, so he decided to call it a day.
That night, Mace escaped from the house and ate all the grass in
the backyard. The next morning the mechanic went outside and saw
his wrench glinting in the sunlight. Realizing what had happened he
looked up
to the heavens and proclaimed...... *
Are you ready for this ???
*
Are you sure ???
*
Remember, YOU WERE WARNED!
*
*
*
He proclaimed: "A grazing Mace, how sweet the hound, that saved
a wrench for me!
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Tigress
Registered Member
Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 1252
| Posted 8/5/2003 11:56 AM (GMT -6) | | quote:
Originally posted by PotOnWheel
Me thinkst he/she doest protest too much!
Ahem. I'll have you know that I know who DLW is because he went to Bethel when I did, so I looked up his picture in the roster after he asked me if he knew me from there. I don't know him personally and never have, but I remember him from a class, I think, and let me just say, (and please don't be hurt by this DLW), but he is a little too obnoxious for me! Plus, he said in another post that he grew a long beard for Halloween, and I don't celebrate Halloween. Also, he's in Mexico, and I don't ever plan on living abroad. So, those are just a few of the factors that make him and me hooking up impossible. Got it?
Tigress
"Name a shrub after me. Preferably one that's prickly and difficult to eradicate."
-Captain Jack Aubrey
"Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World" | | Back to Top | | |
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DLW
Registered Member
Date Joined Apr 2003
Total Posts : 2457
| Posted 8/5/2003 12:07 PM (GMT -6) | | quote:
Originally posted by Tigress
quote:
Originally posted by PotOnWheel
Me thinkst he/she doest protest too much!
Ahem. I'll have you know that I know who DLW is because he went to Bethel when I did, so I looked up his picture in the roster after he asked me if he knew me from there. I don't know him personally and never have, but I remember him from a class, I think, and let me just say, (and please don't be hurt by this DLW), but he is a little too obnoxious for me! Plus, he said in another post that he grew a long beard for Halloween, and I don't celebrate Halloween. Also, he's in Mexico, and I don't ever plan on living abroad. So, those are just a few of the factors that make him and me hooking up impossible. Got it?
What class did we take together? God, Evil and Spiritual Warfare?
I mean I did get in Boyd's face a little there, but obnoxious?
That's okay , I'm quite use to such. I'm just going to drown my sorrows in tequila now .
dlw
Niebuhr thought that sustained moral energy in politics depended on religion's power to mobilize reason along with self-transcending love. The prophetic tradition, meanwhile, gave Jews and Christians some protection against the temptation to identify their social causes with God's will. Lincoln's second inaugural address expressed the prophetic insight, "The almighty has His own purposes." | | Back to Top | | |
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Tigress
Registered Member
Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 1252
| Posted 8/5/2003 12:16 PM (GMT -6) | | quote:
Originally posted by DLW
quote:
Originally posted by Tigress
quote:
Originally posted by PotOnWheel
Me thinkst he/she doest protest too much!
Ahem. I'll have you know that I know who DLW is because he went to Bethel when I did, so I looked up his picture in the roster after he asked me if he knew me from there. I don't know him personally and never have, but I remember him from a class, I think, and let me just say, (and please don't be hurt by this DLW), but he is a little too obnoxious for me! Plus, he said in another post that he grew a long beard for Halloween, and I don't celebrate Halloween. Also, he's in Mexico, and I don't ever plan on living abroad. So, those are just a few of the factors that make him and me hooking up impossible. Got it?
What class did we take together? God, Evil and Spiritual Warfare?
I mean I did get in Boyd's face a little there, but obnoxious?
That's okay, I'm quite use to such. I'm just going to drown my sorrows in tequila now.
dlw
Oh, DLW, I'm sorry. Obnoxious is a strong word. I don't even know fully what it means anyway. So, don't listen to me. I'm not sure if we had a class together, or if I just saw you around the campus but I remember that you were always talking a lot and it sometimes seemed like the discussions were heated. Maybe I'm mistaken. If it makes you feel any better, none of the normal guys who went there ever acknowledged my existence at all. And I haven't gone on a date since December of 1997.....
Tigress
"Name a shrub after me. Preferably one that's prickly and difficult to eradicate."
-Captain Jack Aubrey
"Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World" | | Back to Top | | |
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DLW
Registered Member
Date Joined Apr 2003
Total Posts : 2457
| Posted 8/6/2003 5:21 AM (GMT -6) | | quote:
Originally posted by Tigress
quote:
Originally posted by DLW
So I did acknowledge your existence?
I was part of that group that set up a prayer and fasting thing over the campus not doing enough to deal with the incident of racism that had happened the fall of that year.
Well I guess we just must not be each other's types.
alas,
too bad I already started drowning myself in tequila.
one tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
dlw
No, you didn't know me at all. I just noticed you from afar. By "normal" guys, I meant emotionally healthy guys. But again, you and I never met.
Don't get drunk. My words are not worth it. I looked up the word obnoxious in the dictionary last night and discovered that it doesn't mean anything close to what I meant. I have a bad and stupid habit of using words that I'm not sure of their meaning sometimes. It makes me sound uneducated and this instance is no exception. Please forgive me. I was wrong.
I only drink socially and with great restraint. As a melancholic insomniac I have to be careful about such things.
Unlike all those emotionally healthy people!
dlw
Niebuhr thought that sustained moral energy in politics depended on religion's power to mobilize reason along with self-transcending love. The prophetic tradition, meanwhile, gave Jews and Christians some protection against the temptation to identify their social causes with God's will. Lincoln's second inaugural address expressed the prophetic insight, "The almighty has His own purposes." | | Back to Top | | |
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Tigress
Registered Member
Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 1252
| Posted 8/12/2003 10:34 AM (GMT -6) | | For those in the Ya-Ya sisterhood:
1. If you love something, set it free. If it comes back, it will always be yours. If it doesn't come back, it was never yours to begin with. But, if it just sits in your living room, messes up your stuff, eats your food, uses your telephone, takes your money, and doesn't appear to realize that you had set it free.....you either married it or gave birth to it.
2. Reason to smile: Every 7 minutes of every day, someone in an
aerobics class pulls a hamstring.
3. They keep telling us to get in touch with our bodies. Mine isn't
all that communicative but I heard from it the other day after I said, "Body, how'd you like to go to the six o'clock class in vigorous toning?" Clear as a bell my body said, "Listen fatty.....do it and die."
4. My mind not only wanders, it sometimes leaves completely.
5. The best way to forget all your troubles is to wear tight shoes.
6. The nice part about living in a small town: When you don't know what you're doing, someone else always does.
7. Just when I was getting used to yesterday, along came today.
8. Amazing! You hang something in your closet for a while and it shrinks two sizes!
9. Sometimes I think I understand everything, then I regain
consciousness.
10. I read this article that said the typical symptoms of stress are eating too much, impulse buying, and driving too fast. Are they kidding? That's my idea of a perfect day!
Tigress
"Name a shrub after me. Preferably one that's prickly and difficult to eradicate."
-Captain Jack Aubrey
"Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World" | | Back to Top | | |
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