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PotOnWheel
Registered Member
Date Joined Jul 2001
Total Posts : 9890
| Posted 7/3/2002 3:13 AM (GMT -6) |   | (ReCiEvEd...bUt NoT sUrE wHo FrOm!)
They have finally found a diagnosis for my condition.
Hooray!! I have recently been diagnosed with A.A.A.D.D.!
Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder.
This is how it goes:
I decide to wash the car. I start toward the garage and I notice the mail on the table. Ok, I'm going to wash the car, but first I'm going to go through the mail.
I lay the car keys down on the desk, discard the junk mail and I notice the trash can is full. Ok, I'll just put the bills on my desk and take the trash can out. But since I'm going to be near the mailbox anyway, I'll pay these few bills first.
Now, where is my checkbook? Oops, there's only one check left. My extra checks are in my desk. Oh, there's the coke I was drinking. I'm going to look for those checks. But first I need to put my coke further away from the computer. Oh, maybe I'll pop it into the fridge to keep it cold for a while.
I head towards the kitchen and my flowers catch my eye; they need some water. I set the coke on the counter and uh oh! There are my glasses. I was looking for them all morning! I'd better put them away first.
I fill a container with water and head for the flower pots -- Aaaaaagh! Someone left the TV remote in the kitchen. We'll never think to look in the kitchen tonight when we want to watch television so I'd better put it back in the family room where it belongs.
I splash some water into the pots and onto the floor, I throw the remote onto a soft cushion on the sofa and I head back down the hall trying to figure out what it was that I was going to do?
End of Day:
The car isn't washed, the bills are unpaid, the coke is sitting on the kitchen counter, the flowers are half watered, the checkbook still only has one check in it and I can't seem to find my car keys! When I try to figure out how come nothing got done today, I'm baffled because I KNOW I WAS BUSY ALL DAY LONG!!!
I realize this is a serious condition and I'll get help, BUT FIRST I think I'll check my e-mail...
Please copy-and-send this to everyone you know, because I DON'T REMEMBER TO WHOM I'VE SENT THIS!!!
Edited by - (o) on 07/20/2002 10:58:27 AM | | Back to Top | | |
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churchmouse522
Registered Member
Date Joined Jul 2001
Total Posts : 163
| Posted 7/3/2002 4:35 AM (GMT -6) | | I can relate on a chilling level. I like to think it's because we're so tuned in to God we can't really pay very much attention to such things, but I know I'm only a few brain cells away from an all-day blank stare. Since we're on a warfare theme, let's bombard heaven with a prayer for our attention spans...
Trouble with that is: I get half-way into the prayer and forget what I was praying for! 
Mouse
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PotOnWheel
Registered Member
Date Joined Jul 2001
Total Posts : 9890
| Posted 7/8/2002 3:10 AM (GMT -6) | | passed about...
A man decides to try horseback riding, even though he has had no lessons or prior experience. He mounts the horse unassisted and the horse immediately springs into motion.
It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the man begins to
slip from the saddle. In a panic, he grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip. He tries to throw his arms around the horse's neck, but he slides down the side of the horse, anyway.
The horse gallops along, seemingly ignorant of its slipping rider. Finally, giving up his tenuous grip, the man attempts to leap away from the horse and throw himself to safety.
Unfortunately, his foot becomes entangled in the stirrup, and he is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as his head is struck against the ground, over and over.
As his head is battered against the ground, he is mere moments away from unconsciousness when, to his great fortune, Bobby, the Wal-Mart greeter, sees him and quickly unplugs the horse.
Thank God for heroes. | | Back to Top | | |
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PotOnWheel
Registered Member
Date Joined Jul 2001
Total Posts : 9890
| Posted 7/17/2002 6:02 AM (GMT -6) | | received...
Church Bulletins
Thank God for church ladies with typewriters. These
sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were
announced in church services:
The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the
Water." The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus."
"Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance
to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the
house. Don't forget your husbands."
The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has
been canceled due to a conflict.
For those of you who have children and don't know
it, we have a nursery downstairs.
Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir.
They need all the help they can get.
Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood
donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble
sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Jack's sermons.
Eight new choir robes are currently needed, due to
the addition of several new members and to the
deterioration of some older ones.
Please place your donation in the envelope along with
the deceased person you want remembered.
And my own personal favorite is this, from our church:
To avoid the blind and awkward fumbling between our legs, one copy of each hymnal has been moved from under the pew to the pew rack in front of you.
(Obviously the blind and the awkward now sit in the back of the church, safely out of the way.)
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PotOnWheel
Registered Member
Date Joined Jul 2001
Total Posts : 9890
| Posted 7/20/2002 6:02 AM (GMT -6) | | Winchester boy joins the Army
Come and Join the Army
Dear Ma and Pa:
Am well. Hope you are. Tell Brother Walt and Brother Elmer the Army beats working for Old Man Minch a mile. Tell them to join up quick before maybe all the places are filled. I was restless at first because you got to stay in bed till nearly 6 a.m. ( ! ) but am getting so I like to sleep late.
Tell Walt and Elmer all you do before breakfast is smooth your cot and shine some things-no hogs to slop, feed to pitch, mash to mix, wood to split, fire to lay. Practically nothing. You got to shave, but it is not bad in warm water.
Breakfast is strong on trimmings like fruit juice, cereal, eggs, bacon, etc., but kind of weak on chops, potatoes, beef, ham, steak, fried eggplant, pie and regular food. But tell Walt and Elmer you can always sit between two city boys that live on coffee. Their food plus yours holds you till noon, when you get fed.
It's no wonder these city boys can't walk much. We go on "route marches," which, the Sgt. says, are long walks to harden us. If he thinks so, it is not my place to tell him different. A "route march" is about as far as to our mailbox at home. Then the city guys all get sorefeet and we ride back in trucks.
The country is nice, but awful flat. The Sgt. is like a schoolteacher. He nags some. The Capt. is like the schoolboard. Cols. and Gens. just ride around and frown. They don't bother you none.
This next will kill Walt and Elmer with laughing. I keep getting medals for shooting. I don't know why. The bull's-eye is near as big as a chipmonk and don't move. And it ain't shooting at you, like the Higsett boys at home. All you got to do is lie there all comfortable and hit it. You don't even load your own cartridges. They come in boxes.
Be sure to tell Walt and Elmer to hurry and join before other
fellows get onto this setup and come stampeding in.
Your loving son, Zeb
P.S. Speaking of shooting, enclosed is $200 for barn roof and ma's teeth. The city boys shoot craps, but not very good.
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PotOnWheel
Registered Member
Date Joined Jul 2001
Total Posts : 9890
| Posted 7/22/2002 6:11 AM (GMT -6) | | Subj: Number One Is Very Important
20 THINGS THAT IT TOOK 50 YEARS TO LEARN By Dave Barry
1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings."
3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."
4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.
5. And when God, who created the entire universe with all of its glories, decides to deliver a message to humanity, He WILL NOT use, as His messenger, a person on cable TV with a bad hairstyle.
6. You should not confuse your career with your life.
7. No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too
seriously.
8. When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very often, that individual is crazy.
9. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.
10. Never lick a steak knife.
11. Take out the fortune before you eat the cookie.
12. The most powerful force in the universe is gossip.
13. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.
14. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.
15. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven.
16. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.
17. The main accomplishment of almost all organized protests is to annoy people who are not in them.
18. A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person. (This is very important. Pay attention. It never fails)
19. Your friends love you anyway.
20. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.
(for the boys down at the Sidetrack Tap...) | | Back to Top | | |
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