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Laika
Registered Member

Date Joined Mar 2003
Total Posts : 2433

Posted 10/28/2003 8:05 AM (GMT -6)

quote:
Originally posted by Tigress
I never said my friends can't have alone time. Where did you get that idea from? I'm just saying that I and my friends would make a true effort to spend time with each other, not neglect each other, and not let the friendship dwindle just because there are life changes. About the only thing I'm saying that sounds self-centered is that I wouldn't want my friend to spend more time with other friends than she would with me. That's of course hard to measure, but basically all I'm saying is to not let other friendships displace the one with me and vice versa.

You're right, I stand corrected.

inside you the time moves and she don't fade
the ghost in you she don't fade

Vkatuin
Registered Member

Date Joined Oct 2003
Total Posts : 5

Posted 10/28/2003 9:48 AM (GMT -6)

I think a friendship like the one you are requiring from someone is going to be really hard to find with all those demands. Especially with how busy everyone is now a days and all that they are involved with. I know I used to have a couple of really good friends that I did a lot of stuff with, but over time with work, church, getting married and now all of our dogs I barely have more than a couple hours a week to devote solely to them. I've come to accept it as that's the way life is now.

I agree with DLW, I think your strong expectations up front are what is scaring a lot of people off... they feel smothered. I think you need to take baby steps. Starting off with forming a couple of friendships and see how they develop. Once someone gets to know you they might want to agree to that deeper level of friendship, but I don't think you can really expect that right up front.

I will continue to pray for you.

God Bless
Vicki

... to the only God our Savior be glory, majesty, power and authority, through Jesus Christ our Lord, before all ages, now and forevermore! Jude 1:25

Tigress
Registered Member

Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 1252

Posted 10/28/2003 10:10 AM (GMT -6)

quote:
Originally posted by Vkatuin

I think a friendship like the one you are requiring from someone is going to be really hard to find with all those demands. Especially with how busy everyone is now a days and all that they are involved with. I know I used to have a couple of really good friends that I did a lot of stuff with, but over time with work, church, getting married and now all of our dogs I barely have more than a couple hours a week to devote solely to them. I've come to accept it as that's the way life is now.

I agree with DLW, I think your strong expectations up front are what is scaring a lot of people off... they feel smothered. I think you need to take baby steps. Starting off with forming a couple of friendships and see how they develop. Once someone gets to know you they might want to agree to that deeper level of friendship, but I don't think you can really expect that right up front.

I will continue to pray for you.

I've never stated any of these expectations to anyone right up front before. I'm only writing them out here for the first time so that I can make you aware of what I believe a friendship, especially a godly one, is supposed to look like. So, that's not what's "scaring people off" from me. Whatever it is that's doing that is unknown to me, except I figure it's probably just because I - ironically enough - don't meet whatever criteria they have of an exciting person to hang out with, I guess.

We in the modern world get too involved in "things" to keep us busy, and not enough into meaningful friendships. I understand that marriage is a big separator and I wouldn't expect as much time from a friend after she gets married as when she was single. But as for all the other "stuff" like clubs, ministries, working overtime, organizations etc. - people need to drop some of that stuff or at least do a little less of it and start developing intimate friendships with people instead. That's what satisfies. That's what fulfills. That's what helps make this world more like God's Kingdom. Out of true intimate friendships does love expand to the rest of the world. Not out of busy-work that looks like service but is only an excuse to not commit to something more important, self-sacrificing and personal.

Tigress

"Name a shrub after me. Preferably one that's prickly and difficult to eradicate."

-Captain Jack Aubrey
"Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World"

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