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Tigress
Registered Member

Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 1252

Posted 10/27/2003 4:50 AM (GMT -6)

Hi All,
Thanks for the encouraging e-mails. Adiaphora said she had to remove my last post for legal reasons, so all I'll say now is that I made it through the weekend and am feeling okay. I'm not sure what to do about meeting some of you. I like the anonymity (is that spelled right?) of this forum. Having a "code name" adds to the mystique. Cool

I guess I'm just a little tired of counseling as I feel like I've heard it all before. But, I'll think about what some of you said about getting together. Thanks.

Tigress

"Name a shrub after me. Preferably one that's prickly and difficult to eradicate."

-Captain Jack Aubrey
"Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World"

Laika
Registered Member

Date Joined Mar 2003
Total Posts : 2433

Posted 10/27/2003 5:20 AM (GMT -6)

quote:
Originally posted by Tigress

Hi All,
I'm not sure what to do about meeting some of you. I like the anonymity (is that spelled right?) of this forum.

I encourage you to do it. My wife and I met four of these ~~lunks~~ saints yesterday and it was great. Thanks to Springs for setting it up.

After you've met someone face to face, it's hard to keep sticking pins in their voodoo doll.

inside you the time moves and she don't fade
the ghost in you she don't fade

pig pen
Registered Member

Date Joined Oct 2003
Total Posts : 13

Posted 10/27/2003 9:32 AM (GMT -6)

Glad you are all right Tigress hope every thing works out all right for you.
pig pen

Vkatuin
Registered Member

Date Joined Oct 2003
Total Posts : 5

Posted 10/27/2003 10:33 AM (GMT -6)

Praise God!! I am so filled with JOY to hear that you made it through the weekend and that you are ok. You had me worried all weekend wondering about what happened to you.

Were you able to hear Greg's sermon this weekend? There were a couple of songs that were sung & played that made me think especially of you.

Hang in there girl! You can make it through this storm. I will continue to pray for you.

God Bless
Vicki

... to the only God our Savior be glory, majesty, power and authority, through Jesus Christ our Lord, before all ages, now and forevermore! Jude 1:25

Tigress
Registered Member

Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 1252

Posted 10/27/2003 11:22 AM (GMT -6)

quote:
Originally posted by Vkatuin

Praise God!! I am so filled with JOY to hear that you made it through the weekend and that you are ok. You had me worried all weekend wondering about what happened to you.

Were you able to hear Greg's sermon this weekend? There were a couple of songs that were sung & played that made me think especially of you.

Hang in there girl! You can make it through this storm. I will continue to pray for you.

Thanks for your concern. Gosh, I didn't mean to leave everyone hanging like that. I only have e-mail/internet at work so I couldn't post anything after Friday at 5:30 p.m. until this morning (Monday). Sorry about that. Honestly, I would NOT have done anything rash. I already stated in that post that I was too afraid to, since I didn't know for sure what would happen afterwards. I only meant that I felt so bad that it was tempting to do it. I guess in this case ignorance is not only bliss but also life-saving.

Oh Vicki, I didn't get to church until right about when worship was over so I didn't hear any songs (I've been chronically late to both work and church for about four years now and on Saturday I didn't get out of bed until 5:30 p.m.) but I did hear Greg's sermon. As I said, I've heard it all before. Wouldn't it be nice if there were vacuum cleaners for the mind? That way we could just suck out all the junk and lies, and leave only what's supposed to be there, so there would be room for the Truth.

Tigress

"Name a shrub after me. Preferably one that's prickly and difficult to eradicate."

-Captain Jack Aubrey
"Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World"

Vkatuin
Registered Member

Date Joined Oct 2003
Total Posts : 5

Posted 10/28/2003 2:28 AM (GMT -6)

Good Morning Tigress,

Actually there is a vacuum cleaner for your mind, it's called prayer. Tongue

In my prayers for you i'm asking for you to have mental clarity, of peace and good, uplifting thoughts. That all bad thoughts/memories be bound and cast off. I believe in time you will have this! Probably not overnight, but with God all things are possible so who knows. After all He works on His own time table, not ours... unfortunately. Sad

You wrote:
"I'm not sure what to do about meeting some of you. I like the anonymity (is that spelled right?) of this forum. Having a "code name" adds to the mystique."

Tigress - if people are reaching out to you and want to know more about you, to possibly meet you, isn't this what you ideally were looking for in your original post? to gain friends? Now, I agree with the internet thing meeting people can be kind of scary as you never know who's on the other side of the 'puter. Proceed with caution! Definitely meet in a safe, well populated area. Maybe some of us that go to WHC could plan on attending a class or something together like Alpha. That's just a thought. Would you be up for that Tigress? I would love to meet you as one can never have too many friends.

God Bless
Vicki

... to the only God our Savior be glory, majesty, power and authority, through Jesus Christ our Lord, before all ages, now and forevermore! Jude 1:25

Tigress
Registered Member

Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 1252

Posted 10/28/2003 5:09 AM (GMT -6)

Vicki,
I don't think you understand what kind of a friendship I'm looking for. Yes, it's nice to have many friends, but at this point in my life I'm looking for something deeper and to me, it's pointless to invest so much of myself in a person, if that person is not going to be my close friend for life. It hurts me too much when I've tried to be close to someone only to have them get married, or move away or make friends with other people so that my closeness with them disolves.

I wish there was a way to make a friendship covenant, similar to marriage, that would guarantee me that a person or a few close friends would always be there for me, no matter what happens in life. Didn't David and Jonathan do that? Christians should do that, too. It would help me to have more trust that my investment in the friendship isn't going to be ultimately futile.

Tigress

"Name a shrub after me. Preferably one that's prickly and difficult to eradicate."

-Captain Jack Aubrey
"Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World"

DLW
Registered Member

Date Joined Apr 2003
Total Posts : 2457

Posted 10/28/2003 5:14 AM (GMT -6)

make new friends,

but keep the old.

One is silver and the other gold.

(and note:that sort of stance is likely to deter people from starting an exploratory friendship with you. Not all friendships have to be so deep that one would be heartbroken if it ended or ceased to be what it was.)

dlw

Niebuhr thought that sustained moral energy in politics depended on religion's power to mobilize reason along with self-transcending love. The prophetic tradition, meanwhile, gave Jews and Christians some protection against the temptation to identify their social causes with God's will. Lincoln's second inaugural address expressed the prophetic insight, "The almighty has His own purposes."

Tigress
Registered Member

Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 1252

Posted 10/28/2003 5:22 AM (GMT -6)

quote:
Originally posted by DLW

make new friends,

but keep the old.

One is silver and the other gold.

(and note:that sort of stance is likely to deter people from starting an exploratory friendship with you. Not all friendships have to be so deep that one would be heartbroken if it ended or ceased to be what it was.)

dlw

That's why it's not worth the investment. Friendship should be deep, or else it's not truly friendship at all. In other words, it's not good enough for me if it's nothing more than a quick chat on the phone about surfacy stuff and/or getting together every once in a while to do something fun. I want friends who will be able to get together spontaneously as well as plan ahead. I want friends who will be there for me regardless of others in their lives. I want friends who won't spend more time with another friend than they would with me.

Maybe this seems unreasonable to some people, but I think it's perfectly reasonable if one is going to give so much of oneself to another.

Tigress

"Name a shrub after me. Preferably one that's prickly and difficult to eradicate."

-Captain Jack Aubrey
"Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World"

DLW
Registered Member

Date Joined Apr 2003
Total Posts : 2457

Posted 10/28/2003 5:29 AM (GMT -6)

quote:
That's why it's not worth the investment. Friendship should be deep, or else it's not truly friendship at all. In other words, it's not good enough for me if it's nothing more than a quick chat on the phone about surfacy stuff and/or getting together every once in a while to do something fun. I want friends who will be able to get together spontaneously as well as plan ahead. I want friends who will be there for me regardless of others in their lives. I want friends who won't spend more time with another friend than they would with me.

Maybe this seems unreasonable to some people, but I think it's perfectly reasonable if one is going to give so much of oneself to another.

This is too idealistic and we all fall short of those ideals wrt our friends.

Friendships are cultivated over time and sometimes the seeds come down on rocky-soil and don't get to form deep roots, but like the sower, we don't know before hand which soils are which and so it helps to spread seeds in several directions.

anyways,
my two cents.

dlw

Laika
Registered Member

Date Joined Mar 2003
Total Posts : 2433

Posted 10/28/2003 5:35 AM (GMT -6)

inside you the time moves and she don't fade
the ghost in you she don't fade

DLW
Registered Member

Date Joined Apr 2003
Total Posts : 2457

Posted 10/28/2003 5:37 AM (GMT -6)

Now there would be potentially be a truly endearing friend for Tigress who could be trusted to never leave her and with whom she might have several intriguing conversations with.

dlw

Tigress
Registered Member

Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 1252

Posted 10/28/2003 5:38 AM (GMT -6)

Laika,
What in the world does that thing have to do with anything? Question

Tigress

"Name a shrub after me. Preferably one that's prickly and difficult to eradicate."

-Captain Jack Aubrey
"Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World"

Tigress
Registered Member

Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 1252

Posted 10/28/2003 5:53 AM (GMT -6)

quote:
Originally posted by DLW

Now there would be potentially be a truly endearing friend for Tigress who could be trusted to never leave her and with whom she might have several intriguing conversations with.

dlw

Hmmm...interesting. Why do you and Laika think that I'm making demands that are too harsh and unrealistic? I can meet them. I have in the past. So at least a few other people should be able to also - that is if they really care about their friends.

Tigress

"Name a shrub after me. Preferably one that's prickly and difficult to eradicate."

-Captain Jack Aubrey
"Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World"

DLW
Registered Member

Date Joined Apr 2003
Total Posts : 2457

Posted 10/28/2003 6:01 AM (GMT -6)

I care about my friends, but I also make not-so-terribly-deep friendships with people like Laika.

The point is that the future is uncertain and although you can count your friends and pick your nose, you can't always count on being able to pick your friends' noses.

Well, not that I've ever done such a thing or tried, but you know what I mean...

dlw Simp_Grandpa

Tigress
Registered Member

Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 1252

Posted 10/28/2003 6:12 AM (GMT -6)

quote:
Originally posted by DLW

I care about my friends, but I also make not-so-terribly-deep friendships with people like Laika.

The point is that the future is uncertain and although you can count your friends and pick your nose, you can't always count on being able to pick your friends' noses.

Well, not that I've ever done such a thing or tried, but you know what I mean...

dlw

Yeah, I understand that I can't have a close friendship with everyone, but I want at least a few with some people. So, once I start to suspect that another girl wants to spend more time with me, I wish I could make this covenant with her and essentially spell out the expectations for the both of us. Why should that seem so unreasonable?

Tigress

"Name a shrub after me. Preferably one that's prickly and difficult to eradicate."

-Captain Jack Aubrey
"Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World"

Laika
Registered Member

Date Joined Mar 2003
Total Posts : 2433

Posted 10/28/2003 6:13 AM (GMT -6)

quote:
Originally posted by DLW

I care about my friends, but I also make not-so-terribly-deep friendships with people like Laika.

"not-so-terribly-deep"???

DLW, if you get a vial of blood and a lock of hair this week in the mail, just dispose of them, Okay?

inside you the time moves and she don't fade
the ghost in you she don't fade

Tigress
Registered Member

Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 1252

Posted 10/28/2003 6:15 AM (GMT -6)

quote:
Originally posted by Laika

quote:
Originally posted by DLW

I care about my friends, but I also make not-so-terribly-deep friendships with people like Laika.

"not-so-terribly-deep"???

DLW, if you get a vial of blood and a lock of hair this week in the mail, just dispose of them, Okay?

You guys, this is not a joking matter to me, okay? I'm serious about my feelings and concerns. I'm tired of trying to reach out to people in friendship only to have them pull away once something else comes into their lives.

Tigress

"Name a shrub after me. Preferably one that's prickly and difficult to eradicate."

-Captain Jack Aubrey
"Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World"

Laika
Registered Member

Date Joined Mar 2003
Total Posts : 2433

Posted 10/28/2003 6:39 AM (GMT -6)

quote:
Originally posted by Tigress
You guys, this is not a joking matter to me, okay? I'm serious about my feelings and concerns. I'm tired of trying to reach out to people in friendship only to have them pull away once something else comes into their lives.

But that's the nature of life. It evolves, changes, grows. Friendships come and go, evolve, change, are born, some friendships die. It sounds like you want a husband type of friendship. Husband material will be found among a collection of friendships.
But you want all or nothing commitments from people up front, before you'll be friends with them. The more you try to grasp something, the less likely you're to hold on to it.

My wife is my best friend, she's closer to me than I've ever been to anyone including my wombmate (my identical twin). Yet there's a part of me that even she can't fulfill, only Jesus can. I'd be psychotic to expect her to be to me what only He can be. That's the part that needs to be settled before you should expect to be real close to others.

inside you the time moves and she don't fade
the ghost in you she don't fade

DLW
Registered Member

Date Joined Apr 2003
Total Posts : 2457

Posted 10/28/2003 6:43 AM (GMT -6)

most people are reluctant to plunge into such commitments right away and so your insisting on them could scare them away.

We are adults now and that usually means it is not as easy to quickly make deep friendships as it was when we were young cuz our lives are more complicated.

Those are the facts...

Laika,
do pray turn from my impudence of before towards those days of yore when our friendship first flourished and grew and ye shall see me as one who though weary shall continue to be true.
dlw

Tigress
Registered Member

Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 1252

Posted 10/28/2003 6:59 AM (GMT -6)

quote:
Originally posted by DLW

most people are reluctant to plunge into such commitments right away and so your insisting on them could scare them away.

We are adults now and that usually means it is not as easy to quickly make deep friendships as it was when we were young cuz our lives are more complicated.

Those are the facts...

Laika,
do pray turn from my impudence of before towards those days of yore when our friendship first flourished and grew and ye shall see me as one who though weary shall continue to be true.
dlw

That's because people nowadays don't know what it means to be a true friend. They're too self-centered and don't want to do what's necessary to be a friend. And people wonder why depression is running so rampant in society today! It doesn't make sense to try to get close to people who won't do the same for you. So, it's better to just not even bother trying. I'm miserable and lonely this way, but that's the fault of all the people who won't be a true friend the way they're supposed to. If they would, I'd be friends with them, and I wouldn't be lonely and so depressed anymore and they'd get the same type of friend in return.

Tigress

"Name a shrub after me. Preferably one that's prickly and difficult to eradicate."

-Captain Jack Aubrey
"Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World"

DLW
Registered Member

Date Joined Apr 2003
Total Posts : 2457

Posted 10/28/2003 7:02 AM (GMT -6)

I'm sorry.

You're probably right, but please bear in mind what Laika has said.

dlw

Laika
Registered Member

Date Joined Mar 2003
Total Posts : 2433

Posted 10/28/2003 7:19 AM (GMT -6)

quote:
Originally posted by Tigress
That's because people nowadays don't know what it means to be a true friend. They're too self-centered and don't want to do what's necessary to be a friend.

How is your definition of a friend not self-centered-ness on your part? You say you'd keep up your end of the bargain but what if your friend wanted alone time? You'd demand they not get it. That's self-centered-ness on your part.

When Jesus needed His friends the most, they fell asleep and later ran away.

inside you the time moves and she don't fade
the ghost in you she don't fade

Tigress
Registered Member

Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 1252

Posted 10/28/2003 7:53 AM (GMT -6)

quote:
Originally posted by Laika

quote:
Originally posted by Tigress
That's because people nowadays don't know what it means to be a true friend. They're too self-centered and don't want to do what's necessary to be a friend.

How is your definition of a friend not self-centered-ness on your part? You say you'd keep up your end of the bargain but what if your friend wanted alone time? You'd demand they not get it. That's self-centered-ness on your part.

When Jesus needed His friends the most, they fell asleep and later ran away.

I never said my friends can't have alone time. Where did you get that idea from? I'm just saying that I and my friends would make a true effort to spend time with each other, not neglect each other, and not let the friendship dwindle just because there are life changes. About the only thing I'm saying that sounds self-centered is that I wouldn't want my friend to spend more time with other friends than she would with me. That's of course hard to measure, but basically all I'm saying is to not let other friendships displace the one with me and vice versa.

Tigress

"Name a shrub after me. Preferably one that's prickly and difficult to eradicate."

-Captain Jack Aubrey
"Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World"

DLW
Registered Member

Date Joined Apr 2003
Total Posts : 2457

Posted 10/28/2003 8:03 AM (GMT -6)

I'm sorry but that does sound like a strong demand to make on someone with whom you are just starting to form a friendship with.

If I were you, I would get involved in some volunteer organizations, maybe even some political grass-root activism groups. That is one way to meet new people.

I recommend the Christians for Biblical Equality...

http://www.cbeinternational.org/

anyways, otherwise I can continue to pray for you, but you need to change some of your expectations, cuz that seems to be interfering with your ability to make friends.

dlw

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