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PotOnWheel
Registered Member
Date Joined Jul 2001
Total Posts : 9890
| Posted 1/29/2002 1:24 AM (GMT -6) |   | SINCE CVM IS OBVIOUSLY INTERNATIONAL, THIS MAY BE IN ORDER:
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quote:
The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English
will be the official language of the EU rather than German which was the
other possibility.
As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's Government
conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has
accepted a 5 year phase-in plan that would be known as "Euro-English".
In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will
make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped
in>favour ofthe"k". This should klear up konfusion and keyboards kan
have 1 less letter.
There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the
troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like
"fotograf" 20% shorter.
In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be ekspekted
to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.
Governments will enkorage the removal of double letters, which have always
ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of
the silent "e"s in the language is disgraseful, and they should go away.
By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing
"th" with "z" and "w" with "v".
During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining
"ou" and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of
leters.
After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no
mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi to understand ech
ozer. Ze drem vil finali kum tru! And zen ve vil tak over ze vorld!
Edited by - potonwheel on 01/29/2002 06:30:14 AM | | Back to Top | | |
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churchmouse522
Registered Member
Date Joined Jul 2001
Total Posts : 163
| Posted 1/29/2002 5:16 AM (GMT -6) | | Thanks POW. You made me laugh again, and I appreciate it!
Mouse
"We're never gonna survive unless we get a little crazy." Seal | | Back to Top | | |
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GregBoyd
Registered Member
Date Joined Jul 2001
Total Posts : 1818
| Posted 1/30/2002 4:08 AM (GMT -6) | | Clever, hilarious -- and kommon sensikal. Spelling in the English language has NEVER made any sense to me... and I grew up in it! I recall deciding I hated a nun in 3d grade because she kept changing the spelling rules on me. I was sure she was getting pleasure torturing us!
bie bie
Greg
"Three is the magic number, oh yes it is, it's the Magic Number" - De La Soul | | Back to Top | | |
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Vexen
Registered Member
Date Joined Jan 2002
Total Posts : 55
| Posted 1/30/2002 8:43 PM (GMT -6) | | That's great :-) - it's been kicking around Usenet for a few years, but it's always a giggle to read it!
English spelling is pretty erratic - and so is pronounciation, too. Actually, with the amount of sayings and colliqual speech the West uses as part of English, it's altogether a completely illogical mess!
But I think that it is best like this!
My essay on the Benefits of multiple cultures/races opens it's first half with the advantages of having multiple illogical languages in the world :-)
I'll quote a big bit;
"
The advantages of illogical language
Poetry thrives on the quirks of language. Although poetry in itself is not important, the creative process is. Having a language that allows mental acrobates, and even promotes it, is going to be good for people. It makes people think. The more you can abuse and play with a language, the more artistic and flexible you can be with the way you think about the concepts and ideas that the words portray.
Being able to phrase things in lots of different ways allows a much better search for answers and new ideas that trying to work it all out with abstract science. The processes involved in creating sentences and communicting information create many more ideas and thoughts if the process is convuluted and indirect than it would if language permitted you to instantly state what you wanted to say with no mental meandering or thought.
New ideas through misunderstanding
A problem is that words always mean different things to different people. What may appear to be a perfectly coherent and sensible paragraph of information is going to be read slightly different by every person who reads it. They're each time going to mis-read it, and will be very unlikely to think the exact thing you wish to convey. There will always be a subjective element when people read other people's text.
But this is good! Out of all the variable interpretations of text, some of them will be more intelligent and inspired than the original. Some misreading will create secondary thought processes that are invaluable in themselves.
It is possible to say something to someone, and have them suddenly reallize something completely different. To inspire seemingly unrelated revelations. These are essential to development. It is the same in evolution. If the reproductive system was 100% perfect, advances would be made very slowly. But with variation and random mutations comes the possibility for rapid advances and sudden vital leaps that could not otherwise be made.
The more ordered and efficient a language is, the less inspiring and creative the side-effects.
"
Vexen Crabtree
2001 Sep 09
"Benefits of multi culture"
--
Vexen
http://www.vexen.co.uk | | Back to Top | | |
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PotOnWheel
Registered Member
Date Joined Jul 2001
Total Posts : 9890
| Posted 1/31/2002 10:11 AM (GMT -6) | | REASONS WHY THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE IS HARD TO LEARN
1) The bandage was wound around the wound.
2) The farm was used to produce produce.
3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
4) We must polish the Polish furniture.
5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to
present the present.
8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10) I did not object to the object.
11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
13) They were too close to the door to close it.
14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.
15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
18) After a number of injections my jaw got number.
19) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
20) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
21) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend? | | Back to Top | | |
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