SK was very, very smart. His whole definition of love INCLUDES God. In SK's mind, a person could NOT love another person unless they were helping another to love God more. God was ALWAYS the "middle term" in love, Christianly speaking. (For more on this, see Storm's Commentary on "Works of Love" sorenkierkegaard.org/kw16.htm) This is why God "as middle term" was absolutely crucial to my description of love.

But...

There are some people who do NOT have God as the middle term in their loving. Perhaps they have "the brotherhood/sisterhood of humanity" as their middle term. Perhaps they have "doing good" as their middle term. But it not the God who IS unconditional, unidirectional, unpreferential love.

When we try to love people as ourselves WITHOUT FIRST checking up on how we see ourselves and others...we are in for a world of hurt. We often project our own inadequacies and hurts onto others BECAUSE we don't have any other framework from whence to see things. So we do ACTIONS that supposedly say "I love you" but they are not grounded in a DESPAIR-FREE context. Which means, like SK would say, that it's ultimately NOT true love per se...but a form of unhealthy SELF-LOVE. To love by favoritism (either FOR oneself or AGAINST oneself) is not to love as God loves.

(PLEASE read the Commentary on "Works of Love"

This is how humanitarianism can be idolatrous. I can easily say that all human beings are worthy of love because they are human beings. Further, I can do ALL MANNER of "loving" behavior to every human I see out of this idea. However, if I just keep things RIGHT THERE, what I've done is merely say that I love the "humanness" exercised in human beings, NOT that I love individual human beings as I become aware of them. (Why are humans worthy of love ANYWAY, right?) Not only that, but just like the Tower of Babel story, we get to a point where, for the sake of human flourishing, we OVERSTEP OUR BOUNDARIES...and get into trouble.

When we leave God out of our loving, we basically leave out the GROUNDING for our self-understanding that makes loving others into a healthy affair. We make it terribly easy for idolatry of some form to emerge...and leak it's pus all over everything.

I will give you a VERY PERSONAL example.

I love my wife. (Aki Hughes-Polk) I love her dearly. And she loves me the same way.

Over time, our love for one another took a turn that I never would have expected to happen: it became idolatrous.

See, we loved each other so much...that the thought of the other person dying was WAAAAAAAY to much for the other to bear. We would be in fear of the other spouse dying in an accident. We'd be in fear of losing each other. Slowly, this fear became OBSESSIVE...and we began getting angry with each other because we were AFRAID of the loss of SELF that would occur if we lost each other. We began being more disquieted in our relationship. We began to be more subtlely despairing.

And then God spoke clearly...to BOTH of us...about our state...

And my wife, inspired by God...wrote this poem...

Bound

There is a time in our life when we are prepared
To meet a person and common interests are shared.
It is fun, you feel free,
Your heart filled with glee
Until your connection is not what you believed.
You thought at the height of unconditional amorous expression
that there could not be any other lesson.
The lesson of loss becomes your worry
You realize the time could elapse in a hurry.
The separation of two having fun…
the possible ways in your mind, you begin to shun
gripping fear makes you both want to run.
The original loneliness was not bad
It was only your imagination of love that you had.
The personal manifestation of your dreams
Whatever she or he may be
when lost could result in a perpetual inner scream.
Your mind left behind
tears wearing away at your cheeks over time.
An untimely death you do not want to decline.
Oh Lord, save us from this self-destruction
we did not discern the no idol instruction.
Our earthly joys
Along with ourselves destroyed
We did not intend this overwhelming passion within
for our corporeal wife or mortal husband.

Following this, wifey and I decided that we would NEVER fall into this again. That we would begin to put God COMPLETELY first in our lives as individuals...and as a couple.

 

Before, our love relationship was mainly self-preferential.

 

Now, we are beginning to see each other as SIBLINGS in Christ who have covenanted to demonstrate the the glory of divine life in Christ through mutual submission via unconditional, unidirectional love towards each other...in marriage.

 

It's a big difference, yo.

It was THIS awakening, actually...that really started my hardcore thrust on trying to seek God with all that I am.

My siblings in God, the danger is REAL.

If God is NOT the center of human love...there are serious consequences down the line.

Just my thoughts.