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shell
Registered Member

Date Joined Mar 2002
Total Posts : 280

Posted 12/30/2002 5:28 AM (GMT -6)

I need help!

I've posted on this board in the past the questions that my seven year old asks about God. She is very intuitive and sensitive for her age, and has always been interested in how God works...very different from her siblings.

I often just try and keep things simple for her...but she deduces a lot for herself and comes up with things that are really tough for me to answer in a way that she can fully grasp...and she never seems satisfied with the answer I give her. I also openly admit to her that I don't have all of the answers.

She really struggles with understanding suffering...why God allows suffering...why she has to suffer with the physical things she deals with...why He has done some miracles in her life...but yet feels He ignores her pleas for taking away her pain...so she gets angry at God and says "He is doing this to me..." She just lays in bed and sobs "If he has the power to take it away and doesn't then it's just like He is doing it to me..." She will say.

She gets frustrated when she has heard on the news(we don't expose her to much because of how it affects her) that a missionary gets killed. "Mom ...they are out trying to tell others about Jesus and then they get killed...how could God allow those things to happen when they are doing exactly what God wants them to do?" "Why be a missionary then...telling others about Jesus, if those bad things can happen?"

The concept that God created us and allowed us free will to sin just frustrates her. Now people have to go to hell just because God let us make that choice...

Hell is a whole other issue for her.

Through all of this I draw on things I have learned on this sight and at WHC...about free will...love as a choice...the battle because Satan is god of this world when it comes to prayer etc...I try and simplify it but in the end she still often ends up mad at God. Yet she has an amazing capacity for love as well (more than I've ever seen in anyone)...she teaches her siblings and friends about Jesus in detail, prays for healing for others who are sick...and has an emormous love for anyone going through a hard time.

I feel that how I handle this now will shape how she views God in the future(installed beliefs)and I am concerned how she will view God as a teenager, and adult.

Do any of you have any advice? Any books geared towards children? Although I doubt there would be any that support the warfare worldview or the open view ( She has totally thought through(in her 7yr old understanding)and openly rejected the idea that God could have predetermined certain people to go to hell and others to heaven, all on her own).

We don't even bring this stuff up with her(hell...suffering etc.) so it's not an issue of giving her too much information at too young of an age. She takes what she learns at church...school...and asks these toatlly probing questions.

What would you do? I'm stumped. We had another long night last night of tears, and frustration on her part. She is struggling with some physical allergic reactions that may be related to a trip we just took, so she dove into all of the issues once again for about 2 hours.

I hope this made sense. I'm tired.
Thanks,
Shell

Edited by - shell on 12/30/2002 10:32:57 AM

Tom
Registered Member

Date Joined Jul 2001
Total Posts : 10353

Posted 12/30/2002 8:03 AM (GMT -6)

Shell-

Seven years old? Wow! Sounds like you have your hands full. Never heard of anyone who quite that young thinking on this stuff so hardly.

Sounds to me like you're doing the right thing. You're providing sound answer in a simple way, and you're there when she needs you. And you're honest about life. We don't always have neat answers. Not a lot more you can do in the answers department.

If she has ruled out determinism (listen to us! It's a seven year old for goodness sake!) and is struggling with the contingency of free will and the possibilities for evil that it brings, then ask her how she would have created the world differently if she were in the place to do so. Could she come up with some way to guarantee that sin and suffering would not occur in a world where real love was possible?

I love to ask people who have had kids why they had kids if they knew the possibility existed that their kids wouldn't make heaven, would be raped or murdered, or worse still become rapists or murderers. If we know it's possible for our children to bring such evil into the world, and to experience such suffering, why do we still have them? Because we believe love is worth the risk. I find this incredibly powerful. And what right do I have to bring a human life into existence and expose it to risks of eternal consequence?

Ask your seven year old if she intends to have children some day.

I'm grasping for straws here you can tell!

Blessings,
Tom

"When you mix things up they get messy" Fred

fyodor
Registered Member

Date Joined Dec 2002
Total Posts : 179

Posted 12/30/2002 8:32 AM (GMT -6)

I have little, well, almost no expertise in this area. However, my wife is the most amazingly gifted 2nd and 3rd grade teacher in the Twin Cities...(Thanks for letting me take 5 seconds of your time to tell you how amazing she is). I have learned much by observing her in the classroom and striving to understand the pedagogy by which she succeeds in reaching kids.

It sounds like you have an extremely gifted 7 year old. At that age I was still contemplating whether Atari was better than the Commodore 64. Oh well.

Every child learns in a different way. In many respects we try to teach children by giving the answers, when, children learn best when they are prompted or guided to learn the answers for themselves. Sin, suffering, free will....all topics that even the theologians can't settle on answers to...your daughter probably won't either. I would encourage you to encourage her to learn through the scriptures. There are several good reading-level-appropriate Bibles available.

"And even as each one of you stands alone in God's knowledge, so must each one of you be alone in his knowledge of God and in his understanding of the earth." Kahlil Gibran from THE PROPHET

trosie
Registered Member

Date Joined Jul 2001
Total Posts : 550

Posted 12/31/2002 8:33 AM (GMT -6)

quote:
I feel that how I handle this now will shape how she views God in the future(installed beliefs)and I am concerned how she will view God as a teenager, and adult

Shell, I pray that your daughter is feeling better and not struggling with the allergic reactions today. It's hard even at my age of forty to question WHY God allows suffering and hardship in the world. I find this especially true at the times when I am struggling with physical or emotional pain...

I think you handled your daughters questions beautifully. All we as parents can do is answer the questions our children ask to the best of our ability and then PRAY that God will move in their lives. I hope you can be at peace knowing that it's okay not to have all the "right" answers. You can help install healthy beliefs about God by modeling God's love to her when she is struggling for answers to life's tough questions by simply cuddling her and reassuring her that even when we don't know WHY we can trust that God is love. Install the truth by explaining to her that God's love for her is even greater than your own and that love must be pretty BIG because of how much you love her! Install the belief that sometimes faith comes not by sight but by trust.

It would be neat if you could jot down some of these questions and have them available to pull out when she is older. The questions she is asking from her seven year old perspective most likely will resurface again in her teen years, her young adult years, etc. Some things none of us will be able to fully understand until we go to heaven but as we grow and mature in the Lord (and as our faith grows) our questions will take on new meaning and understanding. It might be neat for her someday to know the type of questions she asked about God at the age of seven.

I hope this helped a little in reassuring and encouraging you to be easy on yourself with all of her questions. "Trust in the Lord and lean not to our own understanding."

trosie

shell
Registered Member

Date Joined Mar 2002
Total Posts : 280

Posted 1/4/2003 5:01 AM (GMT -6)

My computer has been down for a few days, so I am just getting back to this now.

I REALLY appreciate your responses and advice guys! I realized as I was reading what you three wrote, that despite the fact that I know I don't have the answers to her questions, that I am feeling like I need to give her answers to prevent her from being angry at God.

Last night I was talking with a friend of mine who has had some very tragic experiences in her life. She talked about her times of desperation and being very angry at God, and how he brought her through that into His perfect love and acceptance of her cicumstances. I too have been very angry at God at times and realizing this I need to be okay with my daughter's questions and anger, not feel pressure to give her the right answer that will make everything okay for her...just talk it through with her, share with her what I have learned and believe and leave the rest up to God. I guess I was just hurting for her and worried that she gets so angry at God...but we as adults do just that, and the Lord leads us into his love and understanding.

I appreciate Tom when you said "...we don't always have neat answers." That is exactly what caused problems for me theologically in years past. I had been told my whole life that there were neat and packaged answers to this that and the other thing in. Allowing for ambiguity about God has changed my life. I just want more than anything for my daughter to know how much God loves her...I know God will show her as she seeks to know the truth, and I have to rest in that right?

fyodor-you are so right about kids learning different ways, again it helps me to let go of the pressure of giving an answer and wanting her to accept it right then and there...thank you for the encouragement about reading scripture with her...you may not have experience in this area...but you were very insightful...thank you.

Trosie...Thank you so so much for what you shared. My daughter's middle name is Faith. Thank you for reminding me of that.

Blessings,
Shell

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