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Registered Member
Date Joined Jun 2001
Total Posts : 516
| Posted 6/27/2001 7:39 AM (GMT -6) |   | Greetings,
I’m a newcomer to this forum, and in my browsing have found your posts most enlightening- thanks! I’m a young pastor facing my first counseling case dealing with divorce and remarriage. I’ve been reading up on the issue, and have tried to access Greg’s sermon on the topic, but for some reason can’t get it (or any of the other sermons on this site) to play. Anyhow, I thought I would put this case out to the board and invite your feedback and perspective. Here’s the deal…
A Christian man (we’ll call him Fred) is divorced. He and his ex were young believers (teenagers just out of high school) when they took their vows. The church they attended encouraged people to marry young (after all, marriage is a divine institution, so why not go for it as soon as possible, right? - this was their church’s mindset and culture). Their pastor even specifically advised them to get married, and then gave them some fairly “cookie-cutter” premarital counseling, with no real attempts to determine compatibility or to emphasize the potential consequences of entering into a marriage covenant rashly. So here they are, two Christian teenagers in love/lust, and their trusted pastor counsels them to get married. They go for it.
From the beginning, Fred’s in-laws don’t like him, and do everything possible to drive a wedge between their daughter and son-in-law. Their efforts work, and eventually, the marriage ends in divorce, with both Fred and his wife mutually wanting “out”.
Fast forward about 5 years. Fred (now wiser) is still following Christ, and attending a different church. He meets a godly single Christian woman (call her Jane) who has never been married. They become friends, and over several years time, develop an interest in one another. When they speak to their own pastors about the possibility of marriage, they are told NO WAY. If there’s been a divorce, no re-marriage- PERIOD.
Fred and Jane truly want to obey God, but suspect that their church’s position may be too cut and dry given their situation. While they want to do what’s right in God’s eyes- even if that means not getting married- neither do they want to miss out on the potential blessing of a godly marriage together. They come to me (a pastor at their friend’s church), to get a second opinion. Fred and Jane affirm that they both believe in marriage as an exclusive, lifelong covenant before God. They are both willing to pursue in-depth premarital counseling, and recognize that if they do get married, they’ll have to find a new church, since their current church without exception frowns on remarriage after divorce.
I have a certain leaning as to how to advise them, but Jesus’ teaching on divorce and remarriage does seem quite sobering. These are people’s LIVES here, and I don’t want to steer them wrong one way or the other. Where does the broader scriptural counsel of GRACE fit in, in light of the circumstances that led Fred into a young, ill-advised marriage, as well as his in-laws meddling that was a major contributing factor leading to the divorce?
Your feedback and prayers would be most appreciated!
road2emmaus
RevivalTheology
03/14/01 11:26 AM
RE: a case on divorce and remarriage
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I can't really answer your question as to what to tell these people. Nor am I making a comment as to the propriety of remarriage in the situation you outline. However, I would like to say that the concept of "grace" should be used to lessen one's committment to righteousness (Romans 6 comes to mind) but should be leaned upon to help one walk in that committment.
In the Lamb
ModesofThought
03/14/01 11:26 AM
RE: a case on divorce and remarriage
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If God is leading them together, then they should get married. Jesus' words were harsh indeed. There were several reasons for this:
1. 1st century women needed some protection from a too easy dismissal at the whim of the man. Jesus' teachings address this situation in particular.
2. All of Jesus' teachings were radical versions of OT teachings, they were radicalized so that all would recognize their own failure before such a strict understanding of the Law. This presents everyone with their own need for God's grace.
3. God's grace is just that. God redeems situations that have gone badly and wants the best for people. As people who are no longer under law, but under the new reality of grace (as slaves to Christ, however) we must lean more heavily upon DISCERNMENT. What is the Spirit leading in the hearts and minds of these people, their closest friends, and their spiritual leaders? God still speaks today. Seek God's counsel on it. What does not proceed from faith is sin. (Romans 14:23)
Sounds to me like they should get married, but prayer and godly counsel is needed for confirmation.
Blessings as you sort this out.
BBBCanada
03/14/01 12:06 PM
a case on divorce and remarriage
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Again, as in the thread on an abusive spouse, I highly recommend listening to the sermons on divorce and remarriage at www.sermongateway.com for where grace fits into the pic, go down to Sept '95. I wish I could comment more indepth on the issue, but at the moment I really can't.
Brandon
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