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Registered Member
Date Joined Jun 2001
Total Posts : 516
| Posted 6/28/2001 1:53 AM (GMT -6) |   | Single Parent Adoption
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I've given a lot of thought recently to what the Bible might have to say on single parent adoption? Does anyone have any objections to it? What about those who feel called to be single, but still want to have kids? There isn't a great deal of information to be found on the subject, that's mainly why i'm looking for feedback. Anyone know anything about it?
In His Grip,
Matt
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Wislawa
06/02/01 2:44 PM
The Biblical Family (<----meant to be read in a really stuffy sort of way)
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Yo Triskal,
I don’t think you will find any direct reference to single parent adoption in the Bible because of the historical context it was written in. The closest I can think of is taking care of the fatherless. So I say go for it…if God leads you to. But I’m no authority so don’t but to much faith in my advice here.
I think it was Newsweek that did an article about the changing shape of American families recently. One of the articles was by Dan Quale and of course he talked about how he thinks all kids should have two parents. Well I think that’s silly and it boarders on ethnocentrism since families are structured differently all over the world. Making the ‘American family’ circa 1952 the ‘right’ kind of family to have is ridiculous. I also think it is silly when people try to equate the ‘American family’ with the ‘Biblical family.’ Which Biblical family could they be taking for their model? How bout Jesus’ own family tree full of adultery, fathers sleeping with daughters-in-law, etc. There isn’t a single family that shows up in the Bible that I can think of that wouldn’t make for a great Jerry Springer episode. So what I’m trying to say is that love makes up for everything and that being a single parent might actually have some perks too. I see a lot of orphans around the world. I don’t have anything more to say and my 8th grade English teacher told me that when you don’t have anything else to say stop. So I’m stopping.
Wislawa
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IntentOnTruth
06/02/01 3:52 PM
RE: The Biblical Family (<----meant to be read in a really stuffy sort of way)
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I think the best is two parents, because both male and female have something to offer the child. Plus, I think it helps (if the family is healthy) to see a mother and father loving each other. It's sort of a model for the child when they become of age.
However, I think one parent is better than no parents.
IntentOnTruth.
Posted Originally From: Christus Victor Ministries
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Wislawa
06/02/01 7:23 PM
RE: RE: The Biblical Family (<----meant to be read in a really stuffy sort of way)
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O.K. I don’t know if this is going to work or not but I’m going to give it a shot.
What are the necessary and sufficient conditions of a heathy family?
1) More than one personality related in a familyish way.
2) Love.
I don’t believe that having two parents is ESSENTIAL to having a healthy family. It may help but I don’t know that it does. IOT points out that both males and females have something to offer. I agree but it might also be said that having an only male or an only female influence within the nuclear family might be able to offer something positive, a unique perspective, experience, or even a way of loving and being loved, that a two parent family lacks. IOT frames the issue as one of a matter of degree. Zero parents = worst, one parent = better, two parents = best. I want to at least consider the possibility that we are dealing with two separate worlds of experience. One is the experience of living in a two-parent household and the other in a one-parent household, in which both experiences are different enough that they cannot be compared. I’m thinking more in cross-cultural terms. Just over a year ago I studied anthropology on the island of New Guinea in which I lived with a tribe that is among the closest people groups to the ‘Stone Age’ as still exists on the globe. In fact the way anthropologists frame things this tribe was ‘Stone Age’ up until the 60’s when heightened contact with the outside world introduced non-Stone Age technologies. Anyway the point is that the family structure of this tribe is radically different that any you or I grew up in. Villages consist of extended families grouped in the larger geographic region and fall into one of to moieties. Each individual must marry outside their rather loosely defined nuclear families and someone from the opposite moiety. So the number of eligible mates is rather small. This is truer for women than for men because it is a polygamous structure. After a couple (or what ever it is called when it is more than a couple as when your marring a guy who already has multiple wives) gets married, the man sleeps with all the men in the village while the woman sleeps with the other wives in a separate grass hut that also doubles as a kitchen. Raising children is the responsibility of everyone in the village so that distant relatives, who may not be directly related at all, teach, discipline, provide for, and enjoy each child. Children are raised pretty much the same way that pigs are raised (pigs are REALLY important to them) which is basically let them roam in the morning and feed them potatoes when they come back in the evening. THE WHOLE POINT IS THAT THE EXPERIENCE OF BEING A FAMILY IN THIS TRIBE IS RADICALLY DIFFERENT THAN THE EXPERIENCE OF BEING A FAMILY THAT YOU AND I HAVE HAD. They are so different that we cannot even compare the one to the other in terms of the question ‘which makes a BETTER family.’ What I am suggesting is that the difference between one-parent and two-parent households is a micro example of this same type of macro difference in family structure. We are comparing apples and oranges.
Well like I said I don’t know if that worked
Wislawa
Posted Originally From: Open Theism Information Site
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IntentOnTruth
06/02/01 9:22 PM
RE: RE: RE: The Biblical Family (<----meant to be read in a really stuffy sort of way)
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Interesting thoughts, Wislawa.
Perhaps it would be better stated that two parents are best in OUR society. It seems to work easier. You have more options. You can have one person working or two. You can associate yourself as a child with one of two parents (or both parents), rather than having only one to associate with.
On top of this, it takes a male and a female to produce a baby. I think it would preferred that both a male and female be there to raise that baby. Sure, that baby could grow up fine without one of the parents being there, but I think the statistics would show that two parents greatly increase that child's chance for having well-being.
I think most parents who had to raise a child on their own would say that it would have been better if there would have been two loving parents.
You might say, well then why not three parents? Would that be better? If that would be better I would hope that God would spell that out because it only takes two to make a baby. He would need to let us know that a third needs to come along.
As for a society raising children, I think that's a great idea, as long as the nuclear family is still the closest bond, and the child recognizes his/her parents in this way. I think our society could improve if we implemented this idea of society helping raise children. However, parents need to have final authority and freedom to raise their children as they see fit in order to have optimum results, in my opinion.
And while some societies may approve of polygamy, I don't think it's just another way of living, because I do think that God never intended for polygamy. He intended for one man and one female. I think that's apparent in Scripture, even though many men of faith were polygamists. Regardless, that wasn't ultimate best. It may work in some instances, but when you try to make a society better than what it is (and I think that all societies can and must improve), the structure of the family may have to be reworked to facilitate that [spiritual, emotional, social] growth. And I think that the two parent model is the best one. You may think I'm ethnocentric, egocentric, or whateve -centric is the correct one. I do think that there are betters and bests when it comes to raising a family. But perhaps I'm wrong.
IntentOnTruth
Posted Originally From: Christus Victor Ministries
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trosie
06/02/01 10:58 PM
RE: RE: RE: RE: The Biblical Family (<----meant to be read in a really stuffy sort of way)
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Wislawa writes: "I see a lot of orphans around the world."
IntentOnTruth writes: "Perhaps it would be better stated that two parents are best in OUR society."
trosie wants to say: In the "perfect" scenario in our culture two HEALTHY parents are preferable for raising children, HOWEVER, we happen to live in a fallen world where people don't always act appropriately, where marriages are so abusive that sticking it out is not a good option, where children are living in foster homes just hoping and waiting to be adopted into permanent families... therefore for all these reasons, and more, I think that single parent adoption is a viable choice as long as the person has thoroughly thought out all the consequences of going into it alone. When Jesus commissioned the disciples to go out to the ends of the world and evangelize He sent them in teams of two. I believe He didn't send them out alone in part because of the human need to have support in getting through the tough times. If you decide to adopt a child as a single parent I believe that it is VERY essential to have a good network of supportive people.
Posted Originally From: Christus Victor Ministries
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IntentOnTruth
06/03/01 1:28 AM
RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: The Biblical Family (<----meant to be read in a really stuffy sort of way)
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I agree Trosie, and I DO think that single parent adoption isn't wrong at all.
In fact, I think it's a lot better than going from foster home to foster home.
And I think that a Christian, whether single or married, can completely transform a broken-hearted child.
Posted Originally From: Christus Victor Ministries
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Wislawa
06/03/01 2:22 AM
Tabula Rasa
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O.K. Triskal I think I derailed your thread a little and got everyone of track. Sorry bout that. Did you find anything we wrote as at all helpful? Anyway I wanted to take a fresh start and go back to your original post. You wrote, “What about those who feel called to be single, but still want to have kids?” I was thinking that in addition to my own folks me and my sibs sort of adopted some other parents as our home-away-from-home. It was really great. I also have a set of adopted Grandparents in addition to my birth Grandparents. In a way its sort of given me a taste of a larger family structure, a little like the village style I wrote about. Anyway I certainly am richer for it and I’d like to think my many parents and grandparents are too.
Since adoption takes so long maybe while your waiting for all the paper work to go through you could become a second parent to some other kid, maybe you have friends with young kids or something??? Mother Teresa started this thing called ‘second-selves’ in which each Sister gets paired with someone in the home for the dying. That person specifically prays for that Sister and in that way bears the weight of their ministry in a major way. This is one of the things that makes Mother so wonderful to me, how she can give people a chance to find meaning by sharing in the work. Mother felt that the prayers of the poor were, generally speaking, more powerful than the average prayer. Anyway I think it would be cool to have second selves with kids or something. But I’m loopy right now.
Anyway (could I say anyway anymore times?) I wanted to surrender this thread back over to you. You shape it, you move it where you want it to go. Let us know if there is anything more specific youre wondering about.
Wislawa (< ------- the sound crying babies make)
Posted Originally From: Open Theism Information Site
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Triskal
06/07/01 8:00 PM
Thanks!
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Thanks to everyone who responded to my original questions, they were very helpful to me. I'm feeling some major callings from God to work with youth and children ministries. I'm also feeling that remaining single is something that God wants for me, yet I love kids so much and would really like to adopt if possible (later on of course, after i'm out of college). Does anyone have any other advice they could give me as I seek to resolve these issues? Again, let me just say thanks to all who did respond, your input was very helpful. God bless all of you!
Posted Originally From: Christus Victor Ministries
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might-be-don
06/08/01 7:34 AM
RE: Thanks!
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Triskal,
Just a thought... if you feel major callings from God about ministry and remaining single, being a single parent will place an huge drain on your ability to accomplish either with effectiveness.
I'm sure I can speak for most of us here in saying our prayers are with you.
don
Posted Originally From: Christus Victor Ministries
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Aranjuez
06/08/01 9:20 AM
RE: Thanks!
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Triskal,
I think you have received very good advice: single parenting is not easy, but who said parenting was easy?? Adoption has some added factors that can be very stressfull and demanding too, ex: financial, emotional, social... (I'm talking from expereience!) However if this is the way you feel God is leading you, I would suggest to contact an Adoption Ministry or resource. If you are in the Twin Cities area, Woodland Hills has an Adoption Ministry, we'll be very happy to help you and pray with you in this very important matter.
Blessings,
Aranjuez
Posted Originally From: Christus Victor Ministries
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glamdring777
06/09/01 12:03 AM
You got a village?
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I'm with the Don. If you had Wislawa's village I would say don't think twice about adopting.
But if you don't have a community of adults that are going to support you at least to the extent that a spouse could think again. I'm all for one parent is better than none, but whether that one parent has subbstantial assistance or not makes a huge difference.
Young couples today hope that one of them can be industrious enough and work hard enough so that the other doesn't have to earn a wage but can be with the child and spend time nurturing them. If you are the sole provider how can you work all day and still raise up a child, not to mention doing ministry?
glam
Posted Originally From: Christus Victor Ministries
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Ephesians3_20
06/09/01 7:09 AM
RE: You got a village?
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Welcome to my world...
I agree that support is great, needed, wonderful, special, even God's will, etc. but also VERY SPARSE! I am a single mom with 2 kids, girl 13 (OY) and a boy 7. My kids were 'damaged' early in life by an abusive father. When I left him, I looked for this kind of 'support' in the Christian community. I found some people to help me from time to time, and I know I am loved by many, but the ONE thing above all that I learned is this: God is Father to the fatherless. He is their Source, He is my Source, He is enough. When I decided to look to Him and take Him at His word about provision for all my needs, and all their needs...He was faithful. In fact, He HEAPS blessings on us! He carries me, He provides for me, He loves me and my kids exceedingly. We celebrate HIM on Fathers day
I say all this because I believe that ONE God-loving parent does not have to be a victim, and can raise Godly children. It is possible, and quite lovely. Be encouraged,
*Ephesians*
ps. OH, I DO pray for a husband all the time, cuz 2 are better than one and plus I WANT ONE!
~I agree glam, it would be great to have more nurturing time! I think all good parents (single or otherwise) think that. Lemme brag on God for one second...truly this is to HIS glory...
When I left my husband my kids had terrible memories, I prayed "God help me to install GREAT memories for them". Now, years later, my kids are FILLED to overflowing with pictures of Sea World 4+times, the Indy 500, Macy's day parade, Elvis' house, The White House, The Easter Egg roll on the White House lawn, NSYNC was there too, The play CATS on Broadway, Footloose on Broadway, Seusical on Broadway, Naples Florida, New Orleans, The Brickyard race, Disney, Universal Studios, New Hampshire, NBC tours (SNL and Rosie show), NYC, Washington DC (and the Smithsonian....tons), Busch Gardens, Weeki Wachee, FL (live mermaids ~ don't ask), Dude ranch's, Wisconsin Dells, all in person!! When I look back, it is EXCEEDINGLY more than I could ask or imagine.
I go to school and am studying constantly, I do ministry, I work and the kids have been in private school all their lives, minus this past year (of which I homeschooled them) plus I am about to be a business owner:-s God is amazing!! He is the only source I draw from. amen! I say this as testimony "He will make a way where there SEEMS to be no way"
I have thought of adopting many times because I can 'enter in' to the life of a child with none of the above. I know that now is not the right time for me. However, if one day God moves or directs me to do so, I would do it. Right now, it is ME moving ME...which never works.
Posted Originally From: Christus Victor Ministries
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Wislawa
06/09/01 7:12 AM
RE: RE: You got a village?
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AMEN. God is father to the fatherless. good point. peopooole who insist on two parents actually have a lack of faith!!!
Posted Originally From: Open Theism Information Site
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trosie
06/09/01 8:34 AM
RE: You got a village?
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Glam said: "Young couples today hope that one of them can be industrious enough and work hard enough so that the other doesn't have to earn a wage but can be with the child and spend time nurturing them. If you are the sole provider how can you work all day and still raise up a child, not to mention doing ministry?"
Glam, I REALLY appreciate you and what you are saying BUT I don't think it's always feasible for parents to have the opportunity to stay at home and raise their children on a full-time basis. I THANK God for the opportunity I have had to be with my kids in their young years of life!(even though it meant not having as much money) YET, at the same time, my heart grieves for people who are widowed, divorced (like Ephesians3_20) who don't have the capability of being home full-time. I am certain God father's the fatherless! I believe children can tell where our priorities are at even if we can't be home nurturing them full-time. Anyway, that's my two cents.
Here's my point: I maintain that if Triskal is feeling a calling on his life to remain single yet has a burning desire to be a parent, (which is an AWESOME calling I must admit), then adopting a "waiting child" or even a family of children is WONDERFUL and the way I recommend! My heart grieves when I see the pictures of all the adorable children who have had horrible backgrounds that are waiting for a person with a heart to parent such as Triskal has.
One thing for sure is that parenting is the toughest job you'll ever enjoy
trosie
Posted Originally From: Christus Victor Ministries
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Triskal
06/09/01 3:42 PM
Thanks again!!
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I can't stop thanking all of your for the wonderful advice you are giving me, it is SUCH an encouragement and help to me. I'm currently down in Tenn. right now attending a conference that is teaching me how to find God's calling and vision for my life. Throughout the course I have seen God's hand at work just confirming even more what I originally felt him telling me. Praise God for the awesome ways that he can reveal his will for us. Some of you have expressed concern for how I would manage to fulfill a calling towards ministry while still trying to raise a kid. Let me just express that yes, it would be hard, but God is working WITH me through it all. I'm not the one who would be raising a kid, I would simply be assisting God in raising him/her. I'm pretty confident now that God is calling me to become a teacher, probably in one of the early grade levels, perhaps even kindergarten. Whatever the case my be, if God truly wants me to adopt, he will provide for me a way to either a) bring the kid with me somehow, or b) find someone to watch him/her while i'm at work. I really wouldn't feel very comfortable having someone watch him/her during the day, so I would have to find a way to bring him/her with me. Whatever it may be, i'm trusting God to provide a way for me to carry out his will. God doesn't show someone his will, and then make it impossible for the person to be able to fulfill it.
Thanks again to all who have provided me with advice and encouragement. May God bless you, indeed!
In His Grip,
Matt
Posted Originally From: Christus Victor Ministries
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Proverbs23_23
06/10/01 5:29 PM
RE: RE: RE: You got a village?
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Wislawa:
I wasn't sure if that was sarcasm or not, so allow me to clarify my post (I had to use my old name 'proverbs' because the computer wouldn't let me get into my reg name Ephesians 3_20), just so ya know.
I REALLY WASN'T SAYING THAT MY GREAT FAITH IS WHAT GOT ME WHERE I AM.
Instead I was TRYING to say that WHEN I WAS WEAK HE WAS SO STRONG.
Discovering what it is to live in the REALITY of God as Father to the fatherless is beautiful, and the blessings are 'heaped' upon us. MY FAITH was that of a mustard seed.
Ephesians
ps. Triskal, I was 'called' once and it seemed so obscure,...have you read the book "Hearing God" by Dallas Willard? That is a great book for help in discerning God's will. Be blessed exceedingly, God is good!
Posted Originally From: Christus Victor Ministries
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Triskal
06/10/01 10:17 PM
RE: RE: RE: RE: You got a village?
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Proverbs, that book is next on my list. I'm just about finished with reading "The Divine Conspiracy" by Dallas Willard. I'm actually probably going to finish it tonight. It's such a great book that i'm actually going as far to say that it's my second favorite of all time, with the Bible being first. Have you read it?
In His Grip,
Matt
Posted Originally From: Christus Victor Ministries
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Triskal
06/11/01 12:57 AM
Another question
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Allow me to raise another question. Does a single parent have a greater potential to love the child then that parent would have if he or she was married? I would think yes, because they would have more time to focus on just that child, as opposed to where there would have to be focus on both the spouse and the child. Do you think that single parents have better relationships with their kid(s) than a married parent would have? On a non-related issue, are there any school teachers on this board? I'm interested to know because I feel a calling towards becoming a teacher, but I want to know if I adopted would I be able to bring my kid with me to work?
In His Grip,
Matt
Posted Originally From: Christus Victor Ministries
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trosie
06/11/01 7:57 AM
RE: Another question
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Triskal: "Do you think that single parents have better relationships with their kid(s) than a married parent would have?"
I think this is a good question because it would appear to be the case from the people I see parenting solo that a single parent can give more attention to their child BUT then again the supportive teamwork is missing hence making it harder for the solo parent to retreat when they need a time-out. I guess my answer would be yes and no. It seems the more people one has in their life to love the more love they have to give -- there is no limit to love. Love produces more love which produces more love... Does that make sense? At the same time, the more people one has in their life the less time they can give to any particular person.
The main thing I want to stress, however, is that I do think that God made us to have people who can support us in our undertakings. It's essential to have some type of reliable support system especially if you don't have a spouse to lean on.
As far as teachers on board I substitute teach so I have the opportunity of visiting several schools and teaching environments, plus I have several friends who are teachers, but I have never known any teacher to be able to bring their child in the classroom on a regular basis while they teach. The nice benefit to teaching and raising children at the same time is that you basically get the same days off (though not always) and you can have summers off to be with your children.
Blessings,
trosie
Posted Originally From: Christus Victor Ministries
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Registered Member
Date Joined Jun 2001
Total Posts : 516
| Posted 6/28/2001 1:56 AM (GMT -6) | | ~wishing I had 4 sets of eyes ~
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Triskal:
Nope, I haven't read "The Divine Conspiracy" although it is on my 'stay up all night til you read all these' list
I need to make a card catalog for my house....THEN maybe I could FIND it! hehe
Be blessed
Ephesians 3_20
Posted Originally From: Christus Victor Ministries
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Triskal
06/13/01 12:54 AM
RE: RE: Another question
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trosie,
would you mind asking around to see if anyone knows if that sort of thing would be allowed? It's just a matter of curiousity, no big deal. Thanks a bunch!
Posted Originally From: Christus Victor Ministries
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Triskal
06/13/01 12:58 AM
RE: ~wishing I had 4 sets of eyes ~
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Prov,
Hahah i'm with ya on that list! I've got books stacked up in my shelf just waiting to be read, but i've got barely any time to read them. You should really place "The Divine Conspiracy" as a top priority book on that list. It really deserves it, and it will take you a while to read. God bless!
In His Grip,
Matt
Posted Originally From: Christus Victor Ministries
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trosie
06/13/01 11:47 PM
RE: RE: RE: Another question
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Hi Matt:
I have asked a few people that I know in the field of teaching and so far I have not heard of a person being able to bring their child into the classroom on a regular basis. Perhaps if you taught in a Montessori or better yet maybe if you started your own type of school program(?)... but in the public school setting I doubt that you could bring your child with you on a daily basis. I'll send you an e-mail if I find out anything further.
Blessings,
trosie
PS. I am going to start reading Dallas Willard's book The Divine Conspiracy I'm excited to start reading it even more now that I have heard it brought up on this board!
Posted Originally From: Christus Victor Ministries
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Triskal
06/15/01 9:23 PM
RE: RE: RE: RE: Another question
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Trosie,
Thanks so much for your help with my questions. I'm very glad that the people on this board are so willing to help answer the questions that people have, regardless of what they are. My Aunt is a teacher and i've been thinking about getting her assistance in deciding where i'd like to teach. Thanks again!
In His Grip,
Matt
Posted Originally From: Christus Victor Ministries
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trosie
06/15/01 11:20 PM
RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Another question
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Matt said: "I'm very glad that the people on this board are so willing to help answer the questions that people have, regardless of what they are."
You are most welcome, sir! I will be praying that God makes His plans very obvious for you both in work and in possible adoptions.
Blessings,
trosie
Posted Originally From: Christus Victor Ministries
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