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| Open Theism Discussion Board > Public Forums > Tearing down walls > Judging Others | Forum Quick Jump
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|  chance Registered Member
 Date Joined Jun 2001 Total Posts : 157 | Posted 11/24/2001 8:59 PM (GMT -6) |   | Doc said
quote: Chance,if God loves people "on the condition of x," then two things seem to follow. a) What God loves is not people, but the condition they fulfill to get them to love him. If the right behavior is associated with the person, they're in. If not, they're out. Which means what God is really interested in is behavior, not people.
So do you believe that God would love people who exhibited absolutely no behavior whatsoever? I don't believe that God would create such people (if you can still call them people) in the first place because they would be unable to reciprocate the divine love. God would not waste His time loving something or someone who is incapable of loving, so the ability to reciprocate love must be part of the reason God chooses to love us.
I believe love falls under behavior to some extent. At least agape love does (1 Cor 13:4-7). God wants us to love and trust Him and as a result conform us to the image of His son which is who we were created to be like in the first place (Rom 8:29-30; Eph 1:3-4). I believe what God is really interested in is people who are able to reciprocate His love. He will destrroy those who do not reciprocate His love and I take that to indicate that there will be a point where His interest in them ceases. Otherwise, why would He destroy them by throwing them into the lake of fire to suffer the second death?
quote: b) If God loves on us to the extent that we are free from sin, but hates us to the extent that we are not free from sin, then we are lost causes. For being compatible with God requires sinlessness.
I agree. However, I never said that God loves us to the extent that we are free from sin, but hates us to the extent that we are not free from sin. You're putting words into my mouth. God's love for us is greater than His hatred of our sin (Jam 2:13). God has demonstrated this by undergoing tremendous suffering of behalf of the world (Rom 5:8) without any guarantee that anyone will love Him for it (1 Tim 2:4).
quote: Now, of course people can reject God's unconditional love. But that doesn't make it unconditional. It just means the person wouldn't receive it.
I think you meant "But that doesn't make it conditional" instead of unconditional. Christ's work on the cross is a demonstration of unconditional love. But, for that love to be effective a person must receive it (2 Cor 5:14-21). Do you agree with that?
quote: And that is the best definition of hell I can imagine.
I agree. But I would also include that God will one day put those who reject Him outside of time - that is, He'll one day annihilate them 
chance
A God who has fixed every detail beforehand may retire or die --Markus Barth
Edited by - chance on 11/25/2001 03:00:09 AM | | Back to Top | | |
 |  chance Registered Member
 Date Joined Jun 2001 Total Posts : 157 | Posted 11/24/2001 10:59 PM (GMT -6) |   | Doc said
quote: Doc: Exactly. As you see YOURSELF in CHRIST, you understand that you're worth and nature is defined by Christ, and thus that sin is unworthy of you and against your essential nature. You can now see the sin as something that you don't need, is not good for you, is not delivering on what it promised, and thus you are empowered to release it. Just "hating it" as a part of loathing yourself will --guaranteed -- just drive you further into it.
I don't believe that "loathing yourself" is necessary for you to hate the evil that you have done. We are identified with Christ once we trust in Him and receive His forgiveness. We are no longer identified with the sin we have committed (Rom 3:19; 1 Cor 6:9-12) because Christ took that sin away when He became sin on the cross for us. His work became effectual when we received Christ.
We should still hate evil as God has commanded even though we are no longer identified by our sin.
quote: Psalms 97:10 You who love the LORD, hate evil! He preserves the souls of His saints; He delivers them out of the hand of the wicked. Proverbs 8:13 The fear of the LORD [is] to hate evil; Pride and arrogance and the evil way And the perverse mouth I hate.
I hate unrepentant abortionists. That's why I seek to hurt their business by persuading girls and their boyfriends to not give them money for murdering their babies. I think the number of babies saved in Denver, CO has reached somewhere around 90 babies this year (since Jan 1). That took away a lot of money from the abortionist (hurt his business) and that's good.
chance
A God who has fixed every detail beforehand may retire or die --Markus Barth
Edited by - chance on 11/25/2001 04:37:46 AM | | Back to Top | | |
 |  chance Registered Member
 Date Joined Jun 2001 Total Posts : 157 | Posted 11/24/2001 11:52 PM (GMT -6) |   | quote:
quote: Doc: b) If God loves on us to the extent that we are free from sin, but hates us to the extent that we are not free from sin, then we are lost causes. For being compatible with God requires sinlessness.
Now, of course people can reject God's unconditional love. But that doesn't make it unconditional. It just means the person wouldn't receive it.
The verse I thought of while reading this is the one where Jesus is dying on the cross and says, "Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do."
That statement to me sounds pretty UNCONDITIONAL. The "them" that Jesus is asking forgiveness for are the same "them" that have just put him up on the cross (sinned).
Hmmm? trosie
Christ is asking the Father to forgive them for committing deicide. They murdered God in ignorance according to what Peter said in what is probably his most significant sermon in Acts.
quote: "The God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, the God of our fathers, glorified His Servant Jesus, whom you delivered up and denied in the presence of Pilate, when he was determined to let [Him] go. 14 "But you denied the Holy One and the Just, and asked for a murderer to be granted to you, 15 "and killed the Prince of life, whom God raised from the dead, of which we are witnesses. 16 "And His name, through faith in His name, has made this man strong, whom you see and know. Yes, the faith which [comes] through Him has given him this perfect soundness in the presence of you all. 17 "Yet now, brethren, I know that you did [it] in ignorance, as [did] also your rulers.
Israel had rejected the Father and then they rtejected the Son when they crucified Him. They were given one more chance when God poured out the Spirit in Acts. At the end of the fourth year if the nation had not repented and rejected each member of the Trinity God would cut down Israel. That seems to be exactly what happened.
quote: Luke 13:6-9 He also spoke this parable: "A certain [man] had a fig tree planted in his vineyard, and he came seeking fruit on it and found none. 7 "Then he said to the keeper of his vineyard, 'Look, for three years I have come seeking fruit on this fig tree and find none. Cut it down; why does it use up the ground?' 8 "But he answered and said to him, 'Sir, let it alone this year also, until I dig around it and fertilize [it.] 9 'And if it bears fruit, [well.] But if not, after that you can cut it down.' "
I believe that the man who came seeking fruit on the fig tree was Christ. I believe that God dug around and fertilized the fig tree (Israel) when He poured out the Holy Spirit in Acts 2. Because Israel did not bear fruit at the end of the fourth year God made good on His threat and cut it down. When He did this He raised up Paul (Acts 9) and made the Gentiles clean (Acts 10:11-15).
I hope that clarifies what Christ was saying on the cross. I went off on a bit of a tangent, but I thought that in answering your question that some further explanation would help. And I hope you don't think my explanation is heretical like Modes apparently does .
chance
A God who has fixed every detail beforehand may retire or die --Markus Barth
Edited by - chance on 11/25/2001 04:53:55 AM | | Back to Top | | |
 |  Semeia Registered Member
 Date Joined Aug 2001 Total Posts : 522 | Posted 11/25/2001 4:31 AM (GMT -6) |   | Chance said: quote: Doc said
quote:
Doc: Exactly. As you see YOURSELF in CHRIST, you understand that you're worth and nature is defined by Christ, and thus that sin is unworthy of you and against your essential nature. You can now see the sin as something that you don't need, is not good for you, is not delivering on what it promised, and thus you are empowered to release it. Just "hating it" as a part of loathing yourself will --guaranteed -- just drive you further into it.
I don't believe that "loathing yourself" is necessary for you to hate the evil that you have done. We are identified with Christ once we trust in Him and receive His forgiveness. We are no longer identified with the sin we have committed (Rom 3:19; 1 Cor 6:9-12) because Christ took that sin away when He became sin on the cross for us. His work became effectual when we received Christ.
We should still hate evil as God has commanded even though we are no longer identified by our sin.
Semeia: Chance, if we are no longer identified by our sin, and "loathing yourself" is not necessary for hating the evil we have done, why do you identify the abortionist with their sin, and hate them?
Chance:quote: I hate unrepentant abortionists.
Semeia: You call them "unrepentant" abortionists, which is the loophole you give yourself for hating them, but are you saying you are a mind-reader? Another concept from TNT is that we cannot know what is in another person's mind by making assumptions based on their actions. How in the world do you know what is inside them, their true feelings and fears and griefs and regrets? You would be the last person they would open up to: as you've said, you hate them. And even if they did talk to you, that doesn't mean that they would tell you what is in their deepest heart.
Chance said: quote: Yes, I want people to love me in spite of my sin. God can help us to do this.
Semeia: So, you want people to love YOU in spite of your sin, but you are unwilling to love others in spite of their sin?
I get the feeling that you think that once you are saved you pretty much no longer sin, that sin is a thing of the past once you have been washed by the Holy Spirit. So are you saying that you never have lust in your heart or say "thou fool" to your brother or have a careless thought? Or are you saying that your sins are less than the abortionist, so you are worthy of love, and they are not?
Thanks, Semeia
"The opposite of sin is not virtue, but faith."--Soren Kierkegaard | | Back to Top | | |
 |  Mitten Registered Member
 Date Joined Nov 2001 Total Posts : 8 | Posted 11/25/2001 10:19 AM (GMT -6) |   | Oh, boy! This thread got very long quickly. I get back from Thanksgiving today and see all these posts and lots of big discussion. Thank you everybody. I really like Iconoclasts target post. I like your chart too. It says that you should not just let somebody keep missing the mark but that to love them is to say something when necessary. But must be done with the right heart and love.
love, Mitten
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 |  PotOnWheel Registered Member

Date Joined Jul 2001 Total Posts : 9890 | Posted 11/25/2001 11:19 AM (GMT -6) |   | I'm going to duck-and-cover twice.
First, I'm going to attempt to hide behind humor.
Chance said: "Calvin's view is known as Calvinism". In a Fine Arts Division faculty meeting one time the Dutch Christian-Art-Criticism scholar and philosopher Hans Rookmacher was taking a beating at the hand (or mouth) of my colleague Lee K. His criticism was that Rookmacher was behind the times, offering only paradigms that did not fit the present and might prove as misleading at times as helpful at others. in Rookmacher's defense I simply said that Lee should give Rookmacher a break because Rookmacher was dead, and therefore incapable of revising or updating his views. Lee let out a belly laugh. Trust me. People sometimes talk about "consistent Calvinists." Calvin was not one of them, and said so--especially about Sacraments.
Next, without regard for whether the above camouflage worked or not, I'm going to try to hide behind the folds of my mother's cooking apron.
What I noticed in the first page was that while the two women disagreed...there was a similarity in their response that taken as a thing in itself contrasted to Chance. I VALUED CHANCE'S RESPONSE TOO, AND BELIEVE I CAN PROVE TO BE AN INVALUABLE AND INTEGRAL PART OF HOW THE DISCUSSION UNFOLDED. (GO FELLOW GUYS!!!) But what I noticed was that--in keeping with archetypes--the GUY THING was to focus on DOING, and the GAL THING was to focus on BEING. Surely both of these are potentially good--have God-breathed potentialities that Mankind is created to unfold in offering those two things back to God in service as an offering.
There is truth, I think, in what Chance says. But their is distinction too that aligns with what Doc is saying. For my read I think it can be sketched as a difference between DOING and BEING.
PotOnWheel
(ISA 64:8 "Yet, O Lord, you are our Father. We are the clay, you are the potter; we are all the work of your hand.")
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 |  Semeia Registered Member
 Date Joined Aug 2001 Total Posts : 522 | Posted 11/27/2001 4:08 AM (GMT -6) |   | PoW said:quote: In a Fine Arts Division faculty meeting one time the Dutch Christian-Art-Criticism scholar and philosopher Hans Rookmacher was taking a beating at the hand (or mouth) of my colleague Lee K. His criticism was that Rookmacher was behind the times, offering only paradigms that did not fit the present and might prove as misleading at times as helpful at others. in Rookmacher's defense I simply said that Lee should give Rookmacher a break because Rookmacher was dead, and therefore incapable of revising or updating his views. Lee let out a belly laugh.
That's great! I am definitely going to have to remember that one... 
Thanks, Semeia
"The opposite of sin is not virtue, but faith."--Soren Kierkegaard | | Back to Top | | |
 |  PotOnWheel Registered Member

Date Joined Jul 2001 Total Posts : 9890 | Posted 11/27/2001 12:46 PM (GMT -6) |   | | | |
 |  chance Registered Member
 Date Joined Jun 2001 Total Posts : 157 | Posted 11/28/2001 11:21 PM (GMT -6) |   | Semeia asked
quote: if we are no longer identified by our sin, and "loathing yourself" is not necessary for hating the evil we have done, why do you identify the abortionist with their sin, and hate them?
We are no longer identified by our sin because we have participated in the reconciliation that Christ has brought about (2 Cor 5:17-20). The unrepentant abortionist, who has not trusted Christ, is still identified with His sin because he has not participated in Christ's reconciliation. We have trusted Christ, hate evil and want to be more like Christ. The unrepentant abortionist has not trusted Christ, loves evil (murdering babies for money) and wants to be anything but Christlike (specificly, he wants to make as much money for himself from murdering babies as possible).
you asked
quote: You call them "unrepentant" abortionists, which is the loophole you give yourself for hating them, but are you saying you are a mind-reader? Another concept from TNT is that we cannot know what is in another person's mind by making assumptions based on their actions. How in the world do you know what is inside them, their true feelings and fears and griefs and regrets?
Hmmmm. How do I know that the abortionists who I am actively hating (by protesting and attempting to persuade girls not to go in and murder their babies) are unrepentant abortionists? There's one big clue that tips me off and gives me almost 100% epistemological certitude that they are unrepentant abortionists. It's the fact that they are inside the clinic performing abortions. That's how I know that they are unrepentant abortionists.
you asked
quote: So, you want people to love YOU in spite of your sin, but you are unwilling to love others in spite of their sin?
I'm unwilling to love an unrepentant abortionist as though he's a member of the Body of Christ who's repented of his sins. If he trusted Christ I would be able to love him differently. I do love abortionists, but not the same way I would love someone has trusted Christ and knows that murder is wrong and doesn't practice murder. I love different people in different ways though I try to love them as much as I am able. I both love and hate abortionists. The two (love and hate) are not mutually exclusive.
quote: I get the feeling that you think that once you are saved you pretty much no longer sin, that sin is a thing of the past once you have been washed by the Holy Spirit.
No, I don't believe that. I still sin, but I try not to and want to be more like Christ.
quote: So are you saying that you never have lust in your heart or say "thou fool" to your brother or have a careless thought?
No.
quote: Or are you saying that your sins are less than the abortionist, so you are worthy of love, and they are not?
No, I'm not saying that. I do affirm the Scriptural teaching that there are greater sins (Luke 12:47-48; John 19:11) and it is true that I have not committed as great a sin as an abortionist has (murder). But I do not believe that someone is more worthy of love just because the sins they have committed are less serious.
chance
A God who has fixed every detail beforehand may retire or die --Markus Barth
Edited by - chance on 11/29/2001 04:25:57 AM | | Back to Top | | |
 |  Semeia Registered Member
 Date Joined Aug 2001 Total Posts : 522 | Posted 12/1/2001 7:58 AM (GMT -6) |   | Chance said: quote: you asked
quote:
You call them "unrepentant" abortionists, which is the loophole you give yourself for hating them, but are you saying you are a mind-reader? Another concept from TNT is that we cannot know what is in another person's mind by making assumptions based on their actions. How in the world do you know what is inside them, their true feelings and fears and griefs and regrets?
Hmmmm. How do I know that the abortionists who I am actively hating (by protesting and attempting to persuade girls not to go in and murder their babies) are unrepentant abortionists? There's one big clue that tips me off and gives me almost 100% epistemological certitude that they are unrepentant abortionists. It's the fact that they are inside the clinic performing abortions. That's how I know that they are unrepentant abortionists.
Semeia: Ok, that was pretty stupid. I just reread this and realized that I was thinking of the women getting the abortions, not the doctors performing them. Abortionees, not abortionists, or something like that. My thought was that I have known women who have gotten abortions who regretted it deeply almost immediately. But my comment is non-sensical if you are talking about the doctors. My mistake - sorry.
I still completely disagree with your conclusion and choice to hate people based on their sin and wrong action. However, I do not disagree based on the illogical argument I posited above! Sorry about that.
Thanks, Semeia
"The opposite of sin is not virtue, but faith."--Soren Kierkegaard | | Back to Top | | |
 |  chance Registered Member
 Date Joined Jun 2001 Total Posts : 157 | Posted 12/1/2001 6:48 PM (GMT -6) |   | One question for you Semeia.
Do you believe it is wrong to hate anything or anyone?
chance
A God who has fixed every detail beforehand may retire or die --Markus Barth | | Back to Top | | |
 |  chance Registered Member
 Date Joined Jun 2001 Total Posts : 157 | Posted 12/1/2001 10:43 PM (GMT -6) |   | Another question for you Semeia.
Do you believe that a person cannot both love and hate another person at the same time? In other words, can someone experience two different emotions towards the same person at the same time?
chance
A God who has fixed every detail beforehand may retire or die --Markus Barth | | Back to Top | | |
 |  PotOnWheel Registered Member

Date Joined Jul 2001 Total Posts : 9890 | Posted 12/2/2001 2:25 AM (GMT -6) |   | Chance. Sin is often a misdirection and therefore a perversion of a "natural" (read: created and therefor good) passion. Lust after God is good. Hating evil is good.
Trouble is that we in our fallen state, this side of being transfigured in Christ, slip so easily into the sinful forms of passions. The Fathers and monastics did not deny their humanity in preaching against passions. They did not draw a line and say no passions. Passions have to be directed at God. Commune with god.
Trouble is, that when we objectify this all into conversation we end up, sometimes sinning even as we act.
Gotta run.
Edited by - PotOnWheel on 12/02/2001 7:01:41 PM | | Back to Top | | |
 |  Semeia Registered Member
 Date Joined Aug 2001 Total Posts : 522 | Posted 12/2/2001 1:12 PM (GMT -6) |   | Chance asked:
One question for you Semeia. Do you believe it is wrong to hate anything or anyone?
Semeia answers: Great question. It is actually two questions:
1) Do you believe it is wrong to hate anything? 2) Do you believe it is wrong to hate anyone?
To answer the first question: No, I do not think it is wrong to hate anything. Personally, my list of things that it is not wrong to hate would include things like rape, murder, child molestation, incest, torture, etc. My list probably also includes things that shouldn’t be on the list, like being cut off on the freeway, or having an overeager waitress/waiter keep interrupting my dinner conversation, or paying income taxes at usurious rates. I need to work on getting over those last types of items—because they are not things to worry about.
To answer the second question: Yes, I do think it is wrong to hate anyone. Even Hitler. Even murderers. Even child molesters. Even torturers. My role model for this type of thinking is Jesus Christ, who, while nailed dying to the cross, called out to God: “Forgive them Father, for they know not what they do.” While he was being murdered, he called out to God to forgive his murderers. That is what love looks like in a perfect person.
Being the imperfect person that I am, hate creeps in. I am human. So I do fall short of God’s ideal, and sometimes I hate a person. But I recognize that it is sin. I fight against that feeling, because I understand that God is asking something more of me. God is asking me to love, not just my friend, but my enemy. Knowing what a difficult concept this is for flawed, fallen human beings, God did the unthinkable. He sent His only begotten Son, to die for us on the cross, so that our sins might be forgiven, so that we might have everlasting life. He made that sacrifice so that we might know what love looks like. Perfect love is being able to love the murderer even as you are being murdered.
Now, make no mistake, in most cases loving the murderer does not mean allowing yourself to be murdered, nor does loving the rapist mean allowing yourself to be raped. We must stop evil results whenever we can. But the deep underlying truth behind God’s request that we love our enemy is that hating the person who commits evil only adds to the evil and increases the probability of more evil occurring.
I would argue that in most cases the murderer and the rapist have gotten to where they are in large part because they have been hated with enthusiasm repeatedly in the past. Hating someone hardens their heart. Now, perhaps there are cases of people born with some kind of brain damage that makes them unable to bond with other human beings, and not having the normal checks and balances in their brain they are unable to conceptualize that murder is wrong. There is some evidence that this type of sociopathy exists. But that fact would make hating them even more nonsensical: why would you hate someone who through no fault of their own was born without the capacity to understand certain cause and effect? Do you hate the blind person for being born blind? Of course you would do everything in your power to stop them from murdering or in any way harming another person. You may in fact need to keep them locked up. But hating them does nothing to stop evil action. Only ACTION that stops evil action stops evil action. Hating is just a feeling. It has a negative impact when directed at another person, which I will argue in a moment actually causes them to do more evil, but in itself it has no power at all to stop evil action.
How does hatred bring more evil into the world? How is it that hatred can CAUSE evil, and yet it cannot CAUSE good? (Good = God’s Will, which is not always even apparent to us. We are not able to define good. Our attempt to define good and evil separate from God is what separated us from God and brought about our fall. This is laid out clearly in Genesis.) Before answering these questions I need to point out that hatred brings about evil not only in the person being hated, but also brings about evil in the person doing the hating. There is a hardening of the heart in both cases.
I would like to begin my answer with what Jesus says in the Sermon on the Mount. “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not murder’; and ‘whoever murders shall be liable to judgment.’ But I say to you that if you are angry with a brother or sister, you will be liable to judgment; and if you insult a brother or sister, you will be liable to the council; and if you say, ‘You fool,’ you will be liable to the hell of fire.” He goes on to say that lust in your heart is the same as adultery, and several similar comparisons, which I will not address here. Most importantly, Jesus says, “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, so that you may be children of your Father in heaven; for he makes his sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the righteous and on the unrighteous. For if you love those who love you, what reward do you have? Do not even the tax collectors do the same? And if you greet only your brothers and sisters, what more are you doing than others? Do not even the Gentiles do the same? Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.”
I would like to suggest that there is a literal way in which Jesus means that the angry thought is equivalent to murder, and that lust in your heart is the same as adultery. For starters, neither murder nor adultery would exist without the presence of the angry thought or lust in the heart. Murder and adultery do not spring from nothingness. Murder arises from an accumulation of angry thoughts; adultery arises from an accumulation of lustful thoughts. If indeed we were able to eliminate angry thoughts and lustful thoughts, we would have gone a long way toward eliminating murder and adultery. Any psychologist will tell you that in most cases even the most calculating cold-blooded murder is built on a sea of unconscious anger. Is it possible to commit adultery without the lustful thought? The idea strikes me as strange. If we eliminate the genetic abnormality of certain types of sociopathy I mentioned above, how does the infant become the murderer? Hitler came into the world a newborn infant. What happened to result in mass murder? Was it just a decision he made at some point, out of his free will, and a skewed sense of logic that he determined that the right thing to do was perpetrate genocide? Did anger have nothing to do with it? Is it possible to murder millions of people based on anything but a submerged ocean of anger? Violence arises out of anger. Anger precedes violence. Eliminate anger, eliminate violence. (Abortion and euthanasia are special cases, because the people committing the acts do not consider their acts murder. I am not defending that view; I am just saying it is a separate issue that is not related to anger or hatred.)
Furthermore, anger begets anger, and lust begets lust, and power begets power. Fighting anger with anger is self-defeating. I should pause here to remind that I am talking about anger at a person, not anger at an evil result. It is not wrong to be angry at evil results, and use that anger to spur one into action to stop evil results. But anger at the person increases the evil rather than diminishing it. Looking at Hitler again, does it seem possible that someone raised in complete love could suddenly decide on genocide as a solution? Now, if it appears to anyone here that I am letting Hitler off the hook, I am not. Hitler is 100% responsible for any actions he committed that were not prewired into his brain, and when he met his Maker I have no doubt that that was made clear. I also have no doubt that God is fully aware of anything Hitler did not have control over, and that that also was made clear. But I want to suggest that neither genocide nor murder nor violence happens in a vacuum, and that there were many people complicit in genocide both in Hitler’s lifetime and even in the generations preceding him, for the sins of the father are visited on the generations. Without a lot of facts I would like to take a leap in the dark and suggest that in all likelihood Hitler was not an adored child in a loving family. My guess is that hatred was plentiful. It would not even need to be the kind of hatred that is expressed in outward beatings. Repressed rage can have even more damaging results. So were there other people around Hitler who were complicit in genocide because of the contribution they made in hatred and anger? I say yes. Does this reduce Hitler’s guilt? No. And yet do other people have guilt, who themselves never laid a finger on anyone? I say yes. Let me illustrate this with an example.
I’m having a bad day. I’m stressed out, because I have been late dropping the kids off at school, and late to every appointment. Now, even though I am again late to where I need to be, I suddenly realize that my car is almost out of gas. I pull into a gas station only to realize that that a car has parked in such a way as to block the only available pump. My anger has been building all morning, and I am about to snap. It appears that everyone at the other pumps is doing their grocery shopping inside, because no one’s moving. One guy is painstakingly cleaning his windows; he’s about 80 years old and I figure it’ll take him a half hour. I consider offering him a ten-spot to get it done at the car wash. I am doing a slow burn. There is no sign of the driver of the car that blocks me. Finally, when I am at the breaking point, a disheveled man comes out and gets in the car, but he doesn’t close his door, he just sits there. Someone leaves one of the pumps but it is filled again before I can move. I’m late and my head is about to explode. Finally I can’t take it and I jump out and approach the other car. “Excuse me, sir, but I don’t have all day! Can you move your car?” Although there is nothing too terrible in my words themselves, the anger behind them is palpable. He goes from a kind of blank stare to one of fury. “What’s YOUR problem? I was here first!” and within a few seconds we are escalating into a full-blown angry exchange. I jump back in my car and peel out of the gas station to find another one. I am shaking from my anger and the impact of the exchange. I feel badly that I let it get so out of hand. What I don’t know about the man is that he had just come from his lawyer’s office. His wife had left him for another man followed by a nasty divorce, and he had just learned that he had lost his last appeal to get custody of his kids, and he would also have to pay a large portion of his income every month in child support. His life was crumbling, and at the time I encountered him he was at the breaking point. The reason he was so long in coming out to his car was that his credit card had been refused. The exchange with me snapped him from shock into rage. Ten minutes later as he races down the freeway someone cuts in front of him, and he runs them off the road, killing them.
Several questions come to mind. Do I bear any responsibility for the death of the people in the car run off the road? Did my angry thought participate in the murder? To answer that question I have to examine what might have happened if I had either not encountered the man, or had chosen a different course of action. If I had not encountered the man it is quite possible he would have remained in a state of shock, or someone else might have come along and triggered his rage. But what if I had acted differently? What if everything happened as I described before, up to the point where he came out to his car. But this time, even though I am angry and impatient, I don’t completely give in to my thoughts. I notice that he is disheveled, that something about him is not right. The very act of turning my attention to HIM, as a person, not a problem, takes my attention off of myself, my problem of being late, and dissipates my anger slightly. In this universe, when I get out of my car I do so slowly, and I cautiously approach the other car. Because I am moving slowly and thinking about the man, I have time to notice that he is slumped over the wheel, one leg actually still out of the car, in a way suggestive of a massive burden pressing down on him. I have time to let that image impact my consciousness before speaking, and now I am completely distracted from my anger, and a feeling of concern arises in me. Afraid to invade his space and privacy, from a distance I say in a tentative voice, “Sir, is everything OK? Can I help you? Is something wrong?” As he turns to me he wipes his face, and I can see that he has been crying. Immediately tears come to my own eyes, although I say nothing. He looks at me kind of confused, and then says, “No, nothing’s wrong. I’ll be gone in a minute.” I can feel the impact of his pain, but I respect his privacy. “Don’t worry. I’m in no hurry,” I lie. Although truthfully, the urgency is gone. The compassionate exchange happens in the glance. I go back to my car. He drives away immersed in his grief, not in anger, and the road rage incident never happens.
Am I my brother’s keeper?
Now in ordinary life we are probably not often ten minutes away from a murder, but I do believe that the complex web of interactions that we participate in leads to disastrous results of which we are often unaware. My greatest fear about meeting God is that moment when he connects the dots for me, where I get to see that the angry word and the careless thought have reverberated outward and touched peoples lives in devastating ways. Was my impatience with a clerk for giving me the wrong change part of a downward spiral leading to depression? Have I interacted with anyone in the last week or day of their life, before they committed suicide, and added to their pain without knowing it? What opportunities have I lost, as I go through my life, focused on my immediate concerns? Who needed the kind word, and got irritation instead? Perhaps just one moment of unexpected compassion could have stopped the suicide. In this lifetime I will never know, but I am certain that God will reveal it to me in the end, and I am afraid. Hatred does not heal. Only love heals.
And on the positive side, love reverberates outward in the same way, with miraculous results. The compassionate glance, the kind word or deed. Like dominoes our actions lead toward life or death.
I will come back later to the explanation of how hatred destroys the person who is doing the hating, and other thoughts on an endless subject.
Thanks, Semeia
"The opposite of sin is not virtue, but faith."--Soren Kierkegaard | | Back to Top | | |
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