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What does true forgiveness feel like?

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I think absence helps. When Jesus told His disciples to forgive seventy times seven, to me anyway, it meant to do it whether you felt like it or not. If you've truly forgiven someone, if a feeling comes up like you didn't, that might our adversary trying to get you to doubt. My wife had some abuse from someone else before I met her, once we were married this person demanded that we all be friends but my wife and I decided that, even though she forgave the guy, absence was the best policy henceforth.

Does that make sense? "I forgive you but never want to see you again." That kind of thing.




Even though the skies are blue, don't they let the sunshine through?

Edited by - Laika on 05/21/2003 1:34:56 PM

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Shell,
I think forgiveness can be a process and depending on how deeply we've been wounded, we may have to "re-forgive" seventy times seven until the bitterness goes away. (we have probably in fact forgiven but it doesn't FEEL like we have) Some hurts are forgiven relatively easily, and we don't even think about it anymore, but others require loving effort, particularly if the person is in our lives re-opening the wound. Laika had sound advice, if you do not need to be around this person, don't.

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John, I think you're right.

This probably seems like a stupid question but what does it mean to make that choice? If feelings about that person don't change how do we know we've forgiven them and what does it look like then? What does it mean to truly forgive someone? What exactly are we choosing when we forgive? If I still feel such strong feelings towards this person(as I have recently realized that I do) and their continuation in hurtful behavior and refusal to change or be remorseful, how is that not still holding them responsible for their debt?

What is "Choosing" to forgive someone and what does it really mean? Does this seem like a ridiculous question? It kind of does to me after being a Christian for 25 years...but I'm asking sincerely.

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But that by no means means we should nurse a grudge, not at all. A grudge, as I understand it, has more to do with the emotional response we have to a person. In effect we focus anger and resentment on someone we feel has hurt us. I submit that the attitude underlying these emotions is what is wrong, not the emotions per se, the attitude of desiring to get even or at least for them to "get what's coming to them."

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Also, another question. Since I do still have such strong feelings towards this guy...and he continues in his pattern of lying, cheating and destruction, and I know this, do I have an ethical responsiblity to inform a friend that he is lying to them?

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If someone else was lying to your friend and you knew it, would you inform your friend? When/if you tell your friend, disclose your feelings for this person so your friend has all the information and can make an informed decision.





Even though the skies are blue, don't they let the sunshine through?

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I agree with Laika.

If you are certain, and can explain why you believe this person is lying, you need to protect your friend by telling him/her that he/she is being lied to. People can change, so it wouldn't be fair or loving to base your perception soley on your experience with him, but if you see/hear it happening again, you can warn your friend based on the current lies.

I would add also, that while it would be appropriate to warn a close friend, it would seem to cross the line of gossip to make a practice of telling others.

Don't ever forget mercy, and that EVERYONE can change.

S.B.G.

To understand and to be understood is bliss.

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Shell,
If you are financially able, I urge you to get a copy of "People of the Lie" by M.Scott Peck ASAP. You may very well be dealing with an evil person and you and your freind should keep your distance.

S.B.G.

To understand and to be understood is bliss.

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I wish someone would have given me that advice about 6 years ago!
Evil? Not sure about that...but at least he's really messed up. It just shows though that God gives us discernment of people's character and I should have heeded those warnings in my spirit years ago when I had questions.

Thanks again,
Shell















Edited by - shell on 05/23/2003 2:52:50 PM

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Luk 23:34 Then said Jesus, Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do. And they parted his raiment, and cast lots.



From out here in left field, my Father looks masculine. - Me

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But that by no means means we should nurse a grudge, not at all. A grudge, as I understand it, has more to do with the emotional response we have to a person. In effect we focus anger and resentment on someone we feel has hurt us. I submit that the attitude underlying these emotions is what is wrong, not the emotions per se, the attitude of desiring to get even or at least for them to "get what's coming to them."

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I appreciate your response John and I'm still digesting it...I was half asleep last night when I posted my question and I still feel half asleep this morning so I won't go too much into it right now...but I have a question here about what John said above. So if I wouldn't MIND if this guy had to serve some time in jail for his lying, cheating and destructive ways that now recently involve much bigger consequences (and this could be a reality),and if I feel that at some point it would be good for him to sit in a small cell and think about what he's done to his life and others...is that unforgiveness?

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Also, another question. Since I do still have such strong feelings towards this guy...and he continues in his pattern of lying, cheating and destruction, and I know this, do I have an ethical responsiblity to inform a friend that he is lying to them?

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