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shell
Registered Member
Date Joined Mar 2002
Total Posts : 280
| Posted 7/19/2002 11:47 PM (GMT -6) |   | It's 4:30 in the morning and I can't sleep.
The reason I can't sleep is because I can't stop thinking of the 5 yr year old little girl that was brutally murdered in California...her suffering...her parent's suffering...the evil that perpetrated this heinous act. I can't even wrap my mind around it...yet it has changed my life. Evil like that affects us all.
True fear has crept in. I know we aren't supposed to live in fear...but little children are being stolen from their parents to mop up someones disgusting lust and warped desires and then are discarded like a piece of trash. A life snuffed out for pleasure.
Children are being kidnapped out of their beds. The place that as a parent I have always seen as a safe haven from the crazy days, serene and peaceful and safe. Now I check my doors three times before I go to bed, and a loud sound in the night sends me reeling out of bed chilled with fear. Unreasonable...over reacting? I don't think Elizabeth Smart's parents would think so. I had carpet layers in my house for several hours a few weeks ago, something I wouldn't have given a second thought about even a few months ago. I was home alone with my daughter at the time thinking I don't want them to have any contact with her...will one of them come back some night after casing out my house...there were three of them and two of us...I suddenly felt very vulnerable, and wished my husband was home.
We are all violated by this evil. I'm so sad. So sad for these families...so sad for the potential and future of these children that was stolen. I'm sad for all of our children. 1 out of 3 girls is sexually molested at some point in her life. And 1 out of 4 boys. Lives changed, torn apart, used up. God help us.
I am struggling with "fear no evil".
Shell
Edited by - shell on 07/20/2002 08:50:31 AM | | Back to Top | | |
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GregBoyd
Registered Member
Date Joined Jul 2001
Total Posts : 1818
| Posted 7/20/2002 12:49 AM (GMT -6) | | Hello sleepless in St. Paul.
I hear ya. The world can be a nightmare. I could go the customary route and tell you to "just trust God for your kids protection," but that, of course, would only work if you knew that this little girls parents WEREN'T trusting God -- and the parents of all kids who are kidnapped weren't trusting God. It's not about trusting or not trusting God. Its about the warzone we live in. (Though, as I'll suggest shortly, there is an appropriate way to "trust God" that helps us cope with these nightmares).
So, in a world like this, how can we avoid being controlled by fear?
* I keep my eyes on the "big picture." God wins in the end, and the nightmare this little girl and her parents go through will be more than compensated. Somehow, someway, the sufferings of this present age will turn out to be not worth comparing to the glory we shall experience in heaven. I leave it to God to work out the details.(More on this in a second)
* Pray, for prayer has power, including the power to protect. It doesn't usually GAURANTEE safety, but, like locking the doors, it is a variable that influences our situation toward safety.
* Take other ordinary precautions -- locking doors, not leaving kids unattending with strangers, etc. When you've done these, tell yourself you did all you can do, and let it go. (The door isn't MORE locked when you check it the second time).
* Keep a realistic perspective. As tragic as the individual cases are, most kids never are kidnapped. The odds are about the same as you getting hit by lightening. The odds SEEM greater because with kidnapped kids because when they happen they make the front news. But in fact they are VERY very small. The rate of sexual abuse is greater, of course, but remember that most of this is done by relatives and close "friends" of the family. When you experience fear, remind yourself of the REAL situation.
* Use a TNT strategy to collapse the fear. People who fear (say) flying in planes usually do so because they have triggers that bring up plane crashes on the "screen" of their brain. The thought of flying in a plane (or even the sound of a plane flying over head) triggers a neuro-net that contains a picture they got when they were 7 of a terrible plane crash. Now, they probably know that flying in planes is safer than cars, yet so long as the picture is there, the fear will be there, for their fear (as with all emotions) is a response to their mental picture, not objective reality.
This is how it works with your fear. You probably have a picture of this tragedy in your mind, without knowing it, that is tormenting you.
You might try something like this. Access the mental picture that is producing your fear. Perhaps you imagine this little terrified girl driving in the car with this stranger. Pehaps its worse than that. Now shrink it in the center of your screen and make it black and white. Then, behind this shrunken black and white picture, envision on a very large screen the little girl sitting on the lap of Jesus, joyful, playful, "safe." See it in full color, with sound. You can make it a video with action if this makes it more real (it always does for me).
Now pull the big picture in back forward through the little picture in front, smashing it in the process. Hold it in full view for some time. Watch it in full color, with sound and movement. Enjoy it. Make it 3-D if you want. (I find this helps). In fact, associate to it and make it panoramic.
Now see Jesus turning to you. Notice the love and care in his eyes. And, perhaps with a slight smile, hear him say to you, as he embraces the little girl, "You can trust me with the children Shell. I make it up to them."
I first had an experience with something like this when Jacob Wetterling was kidnapped. I've always had kid abandonment issues, and this one "popped" me. My issue wasn't fear, but rage -- especially toward God (but really at the whole structure of creation that allows kids to be abused like this).
One night in prayer, shortly after the kidnapping, I saw (call it a "vision" if you will) a playground full of children having the time of their life. On the playground were multitudes of kids from German death camps (they still were wearing their "uniforms" and had their numbers on their wrists) as well as other kids who had died -- including Jacob. Also on the playground was Jesus. He was sitting between a merri-go-round and a swing set. Many of the kids were climbing all over him and he was laughing hysterically.
Then, with kids all over him, Jesus turned to me. Everything was suddenly silent. Jesus smiled, winked, and said, "Trust me with the kids Greg. I make it up to them." I said to him, "why don't you protect them!?" He just smiled and repeated, "I make it up to them, Greg. Trust me." I immediately felt a sense of incredible peace. My rage was released.
Now, whenever something unthinkable happens to a child, I recall this vision, or perform some variation of the exercise I gave you earlier. I still feel intense anger over such events, as we all should, but I am not CONTROLLED by rage. I control it. It doesn't control me.
So with your fear Shell. An degree of caution is appropriate. But you should control it, not it you.
Hope this helps.
GOD'S PEACE that PASSES all understanding (Phil 4:7) be with you.
Greg
"In Christ...the ONLY THING that matters is faith energized by love." Galatians 5:6 | | Back to Top | | |
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brandi
Registered Member
Date Joined Jun 2002
Total Posts : 118
| Posted 7/20/2002 3:33 AM (GMT -6) | | Hi Shell:
Could I share with you something I learned recently that might help you in your processing of this HORRIBLE tragedy? It goes along with Greg's statement, "Keep a realistic perspective." BTW, I liked Greg's technique of helping to rid us of some of the negative pictures our minds can play in tragedies like these.
Recently I heard a comedian make a great point that I believe has changed the way I will choose to look at our present world and the tragedies we see all around us. He said that we have a choice to either look at the horror in a tragedy such as this one OR we can look at all the people who sacrificed their time to go out in fields looking for the little girl. In the 9-11 tragedy we can choose to look at the horror and devastation this had OR we can look at how people came together and helped one another.
Basically, we can give Satan the satisfaction of looking at the tragedy and allowing the fear to overwhelm our lives OR we can look at Christ and praise him even in the darkest hour. When we abide in the light, especially when we praise and pray, Satan and darkness HAS to flee!
Of course anger is a natural feeling we all experience in times of evil like this event BUT if you really want to tick Satan off then focus your thoughts on the things above, do you know what I mean? Satan cannot stand it when we ignore him and give God the attention.
I don't know if this helps at all but this really gave me a new way to look at our present world.
May God give you peace and rest, Shell!
~Brandi~
Edited by - brandi on 07/20/2002 08:41:50 AM | | Back to Top | | |
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shell
Registered Member
Date Joined Mar 2002
Total Posts : 280
| Posted 7/20/2002 3:43 AM (GMT -6) | | I'm pretty much speechless after reading your post Doc. Thank you for your pastor's heart.
I did exactly what you layed out here...in prayer...and I felt so many emotions be released...anger, fear and many many feelings...
The truth is so much more powerful than the lie.
Bless you
Shell
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shell
Registered Member
Date Joined Mar 2002
Total Posts : 280
| Posted 7/20/2002 3:47 AM (GMT -6) | | Thanks Brandi.
Edited by - shell on 07/20/2002 11:45:35 AM | | Back to Top | | |
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brandi
Registered Member
Date Joined Jun 2002
Total Posts : 118
| Posted 7/20/2002 3:51 AM (GMT -6) | | Shell, all I can say is PRAISE GOD for giving you this peace! Praise God for the truth that replaces the lie!
Bless you,
~Brandi~
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markus
Registered Member
Date Joined Jun 2002
Total Posts : 100
| Posted 7/20/2002 6:03 AM (GMT -6) | | Dear Shell,
I have just read your posting and I am deeply shattered by this news. Not living in the US, I had not heard what had happened to this little girl, but I had recieved a prayer request for here some days ago from a friend. Ever since then, this case has been on my mind and only this morning I said to my wife that I wondered whether she had been found yet. My thoughts and prayers have been so much with both the poor child and her parents, that I am mortified to hear that she has been murdered.
I can say that there is little in life so tragic for parents as losing a child. It impacts on so many people - the child, the parents (and brothers and sisters), and others like yourself who have children and are traumatised by the event and are left in great fear for their own children.
I think the Bible is absolutely clear how much Jesus loves children. I believe 100% that He is there with them through such terrible ordeals. Remember that when Jesus as an infant was whisked away from the threat of Herod, all the under 2's were killed. Does anyone imagine that God did not take care of these children that died for Jesus' sake? No, of course not. We know that Jesus was also there for this child, too.
The situation though is far graver for the parents. It is very true that when a child dies, something in the parents dies, too. They are pulled away from this world and left suspended somewhere totally unknown to them. Their life stops on the spot and they have no reference points in this world that mean anything anymore. They are left with a terrible mixture of emotions that tears them to pieces inside. It is bad enough if a child dies of sickness, but when it is a result of violence then there is anger, guilt and bitterness on top of the grief and bottomless sorrow. Whilst the criminal is at large there is little rest for their soul, if they are caught then there is the horrendous ordeal of the court case, where all the details are lived through again.
These parents need God presence in their lives now more than at probably any other time - and it is hard to find in the midst of the inevitable anger and helpless grief that they are feeling. During the first few months it is probably impossible to focus on anything other than memories. They may not be able to even look at a beautiful flower without feeling intense pain. They cannot take statements like "Life must go on" or "time will heal". Very often parents become so claustrophobic with their grief that they end up in separation, and eventually divorce - adding further to their grief, and further tragedy for their other children.
It is often many years before such parents come to deal with the grief, the anger, and the craving for justice. If God is not in their lives, it is impossible to separate their child's mortal remains from their spirit which has moved on to a better place. These parents need our prayers now more than at any other time.
And then so many others are deeply affected by these events. It is difficult to accept why God allows such things, and it does reveal that Christianity does not come with a ring of protection that saves our physical bodies and lives. But we have to remember that it is our spirit that is our real self - and THAT is the person God protects against ALL adversity. But that leaves us with the BIG question, what can we do to help protect our own loved ones?
I believe one thing that does help is to pray always for inspiration. Firstly, inspiration how we can take care of our children, and secondly, inspiration for our kids so they themselves may recognise and avoid dangerous situations. I am sure these help, but....
ultimately, if evil is determined to happen, then it will happen - we can only reduce the chances of it happening...
We make the sails, we show our children the routes. But whilst they are sailing, which way the wind will blow, no one can tell.
When a grandparent dies, it is sad, but it is natural - and their life's work is done. But when a child dies, their life never got started. It is not just the child that is lost, but all the future generations of people that would have been their offspring that are lost, too - an infinitely large piece out of the future of humanity that will never happen.
It is important to remain convinced that the chilren are safe with Jesus, and pray until the tears fall that the parents will also find peace through Jesus, once they are able to turn and reach out to Him.
For me, one of the saddest things about this type of tragedy is that whilst praying for these people involved, I am also reminded of all the other tragedies that I cannot also pray for. And that is why we MUST be able to keep these worries and fears under control and not let them take over. The scope and scale is too great for us to cope with if it gets out of hand and out of proportion with our overall life.
Suffering is a terrible part of human life, but it is not the only part. Love is far greater and stronger and can overcome any suffering.
We do need to notice and absorb all the good in God's creation, and in the people around us. Suffering deepens our character, improves our understanding, draws us closer to God, and helps us love all humanity with the tenacity and intensity that Jesus intended us to find inside ourselves.
May God's blessings and mercy be with all his people who are suffering.
Markus
Edited by - markus on 07/20/2002 11:10:18 AM | | Back to Top | | |
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GregBoyd
Registered Member
Date Joined Jul 2001
Total Posts : 1818
| Posted 7/20/2002 7:20 AM (GMT -6) | | I'm delighted the techniqued helped Shell. When the fear returns -- and it probably will (neuronets are resilient and the enemy prowls) just go back to it, again and again. And you yourself said the most profound thing to remember: "The truth is so much more powerful than the lie." We just need to EXPERIENCE the truth as vividly as we usually experience lies (viz. as pictures, words, etc.) for the lie to be dispelled.
be free
always
Doc
"In Christ...the ONLY THING that matters is faith energized by love." Galatians 5:6 | | Back to Top | | |
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shell
Registered Member
Date Joined Mar 2002
Total Posts : 280
| Posted 7/20/2002 7:27 AM (GMT -6) | | quote:
And then so many others are deeply affected by these events. It is difficult to accept why God allows such things, and it does reveal that Christianity does not come with a ring of protection that saves our physical bodies and lives. But we have to remember that it is our spirit that is our real self - and THAT is the person God protects against ALL adversity. But that leaves us with the BIG question, what can we do to help protect our own loved ones?
I believe one thing that does help is to pray always for inspiration. Firstly, inspiration how we can take care of our children, and secondly, inspiration for our kids so they themselves may recognise and avoid dangerous situations. I am sure these help, but....
ultimately, if evil is determined to happen, then it will happen - we can only reduce the chances of it happening...
We make the sails, we show our children the routes. But whilst they are sailing, which way the wind will blow, no one can tell.
Markus,
thank you for your heartfelt, deeply insightful post. It is so touching to read these posts about how we view God and suffering. Your qoute above is exactly what I have been processing ...and it has been a source of anxiety at times realizing that praying protection over my family offers no absolute gaurantees of their safety
BUT coming to understand the role of free will, and spiritual warfare HAS helped answer some of the questions I have cried out to God in times of desperation. "I'm your daughter and if you really LOVE me how can you allow this evil thing to be happening to me?" "God I KNOW you love children...why do the most innocent have to suffer such horrible things?"
This morning(through Greg's post, and praying about this) I came to realize that I can't "try harder" not to have fear just because the bible says that we shouldn't fear...but I need to completely release it to the arms of Jesus, and like Greg said...look into Jesus eyes and see what the end result is and that in the end goodness wins over evil..it is a battlefield here and now...there are casualties...but the Lord will walk through it all with us, and gather us and our children into his loving arms. I do believe in the power of prayer and that the Lord is a refuge, and I will continue to pray and have faith...but I must live having faith that the Lord will "make it right" no matter what happens. And I have seen the Lord answer prayers right before our eyes!
Markus...I can only pray that these grieving parents will cross paths with those who can walk with them through their grief, that they will come to understand the truths about evil, suffering and God that have been discussed here. That is my prayer.
The holy spirit has really ministered to me through this dialogue and I hope it ministers to many others as well,
love
Shell
Edited by - shell on 07/20/2002 1:32:20 PM | | Back to Top | | |
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